


Chaotic Good

by Killerduckie



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: F/M, Fem!Juuzou
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2016-05-11
Packaged: 2018-05-07 20:16:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5469575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Killerduckie/pseuds/Killerduckie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story of Tokyo Ghoul from the perspective of a female Juuzou. There are a few twists and changes in the plot!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Very few people had seen this day coming. It was Juuzou's first day as an official investigator, and her first day working with Special Investigator Shinohara. Despite the fact that it had been drilled into all of the students at the academy that an investigator was to look as well as act the part, Juuzou was not the kind of girl who wore cute little skirts and fancy blouses. Instead, the teen wore a pair of three quarter length trousers and a too-big shirt that hid her gender nicely. The trousers were not as noticeably big as the shirt, but still large enough that the red and yellow polka dot suspenders she had paired them with were more than just an accessory. From below the hem of her trousers, Juuzou's legs were bare, her small, pale feet stuffed into a pair of fluffy red slippers that she had stolen from the hospital when she was rescued. They were comfortable, so she liked them more than the nasty little heels and 'proper shoes' the CCG had provided her with. Who the hell hunted ghouls in heels anyway? It seemed a painfully dumb idea to her.  
For once, Juuzou was not late, so she sat in the main entrance waiting room, kicking her legs happily as she ignored the worried stares the staff members shot her. She could hear two women whispering about her from behind the half-open door of the departments break room. Usually Juuzou would have said something, just to show that she could indeed hear them, but not today. She had been told very sternly to sit quietly and to cause no trouble until Mr.Shinohara arrived. Now that she had finally been given the chance to be free of the academy, Juuzou had taken this as a serious chance to prove herself, and had followed the instructions (mostly) to a T.  
She stared blankly at the constant motion around her, picking mindlessly at the self-inflicted stitches that covered most of her body. Her fingers ghosted over the newest pattern she had come up with just last night, stroking her arm gently. The bumps of bright red thread were soothing to her, something to help keep her focused when she had her moments.  
Mr.Shinohara couldn't be far, he didn't strike her as the sort of man who was usually late. Though all of their previous encounters had been under unfavourable circumstances, Juuzou had heard nothing but good things of the man, and she couldn't help but feel a slight air of respect for him already.  
Juuzou was nineteen years old, the size of maybe your average scrawny thirteen year old, and had just graduated from the academy. Thanks to her none too pleasant past, most of the investigators she had met so far had been weary of her to say the least. She was a monster in their eyes, just a horrible result of the nature of ghouls. To them, she was not a victim, but a problem the ghouls failed to solve properly. Many of her peers and superiors believed she should have died down there, wrapped in chains and coated in a layer of filth and bruises. It was something they failed to deny and she failed to acknowledge at most times. But Mr.Shinohara wasn't like that. He had told her she was a victim, not a criminal. He understood what she had been through, at least better than anyone else, and he didn't treat her like a broken toy. That's why she was so glad to be working with him. Not only was he apparently excellent at what he did, but he wouldn't treat her like everyone else did. Like she was a freak.  
"I'm so sorry I'm late, Juuzou! I was talking to an old friend..." Mr.Shinohara came into the room like a tornado, instantly standing out in the crowd. Though he wasn't a naturally loud man, he was six foot of pure muscle. He waved to the younger girl brightly, smiling wide as he came to stand before her.  
"It's alright Mr.Shinohara, I don't mind waiting." Juuzou smiled back, flicking her hair out of her face before jumping down from the counter she had been perched on. Mr.Shinohara nodded, his dark eyes quickly identifying each of the workers around them. The two women who had hidden in the office to gossip had poked their heads through the door, both looking particularly put out.  
"They don't like me..." Juuzou chuckled, grinning at the women and waving enthusiastically. They jumped, ducking their heads back into the room like cowards. Mr.Shinohara frowned, his brow creasing.  
Juuzou was used to being judged. She had been raised by ghouls and spent most of her life killing humans for their entertainment. In some ways, the arena had been more of a home to her than anywhere else. To the humans she was a hazard, and to the ghouls she was a tool, but on neither side was she a person. After so long, Juuzou had learnt to deal with it.  
"So, Mr.Shinohara, what are we going to do today?" She purposely turned her back on the reception, claiming the large mans attention once more.  
"Well, I was hoping to see you in action, gather where you're at, then maybe we could get some lunch? After that all we have is some paperwork to go through." She nodded quickly, her naturally quick and jerky motions snapping her head harshly. Mr.Shinohara said nothing, simply nodding back and leading the way.  
Juuzou followed Mr.Shinohara through the main entrance to the elevators, skipping up a few floors to the training arena. It wasn't a grand room, but it was enough. The walls were solid and the floor easily cleanable. There were dummies and various training objects littered around, each in a varied level of abused decay.  
"What do you want me to show you?" Juuzou asked, stretching out her arms and legs carefully.  
Her inability to process pain was a blessing and a curse. It meant she had to be careful, always checking herself for new injuries. Well, she was meant to. Mr.Shinohara stroked his chin in though, surveying the room just as Juuzou had. After a moment of thought, he finally came to a conclusion, reaching into the weapons storage and pulling out a handful of small, sharp daggers. Juuzou took them happily, spinning the blades in her small hands before setting her stance.  
"What am I attacking, sir?" She couldn't help the smile that pulled at her lips, the usual rush she got out of a fight settling in her stomach.  
"The dummy to the far right." Her partner instructed. Before he had the chance to move out of the way, Juuzou was flying towards her target, twisting and twirling like she was dancing. The knives flew from her fingers, each one landing in the dummy, cutting through the soft exterior and into the wooden centre. After leaving herself only a single knife in each hand, Juuzou moved in, slashing and stabbing, constantly moving so that no possible hits would touch her, and even if it did, it wouldn't be enough to stop her. She felt herself slowly sink into the same lethal dance she had performed a thousand times, her mind drifting to the scattered memories of the arena. Unlike most, she had only needed the academy for the academics, having already developed and perfected her fighting style. She was quick and severe, just like the knives she used. She hadn't missed a single hit so far, her body contorting in time to an imaginary battle. She was mildly aware of the sound of creaking and groaning coming from the dummy she assaulted, and there were feathers everywhere. It's neck hung awkwardly to one side, exposed and vulnerable. She was going to go in for the kill, let her knife slice throu-  
"Juuzou, Juuzou! Stop!" Mr.Shinohara's voice cutting through the haze of her constant motion made her jump, the knife in her hand inevitably catching her other wrist in a long, thin slice, completely missing her target. She slowly stopped, looking at the sudden flow of blood the blade had drawn in a morbid mixture of curiosity and annoyance. It didn't hurt, but it was a surprise, and not something she would brag about to her friends... well, friend, but that wasn't important. She hadn't cut herself in a long time, and it was an unusual thing to see. Mr.Shinohara was fluttering around her instantly, taking her hand in his and inspecting the wound. It was deep, she could see that, but she wasn't panicked. Mr.Shinohara, however, was.  
"I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have made you jump! You were so focused..." He studied her face and was amazed to see she was unfazed. She watched him fussing with her, putting pressure on her wrist while she simply waited for him to stop.  
"It's alright, it doesn't hurt. I just haven't played in a while..." She shrugged, pulling her arm back and digging in her pocket for her needle and thread. With worryingly precise moves, and not so much as a grimace, Juuzou stitched up the cut, the red thread a serious contrast to her pale skin. When she was done, she put away her needle and showed Mr.Shinohara.  
"See, all better."  
"Juuzou," Mr.Shinohara put a gentle hand on her shoulder, forcing the girl to make eye contact. "Just because you can't feel it doesn't mean it's alright for you to be hurt. You need to be careful, especially now... I'm relying on you, as my partner, to be on top form."  
Juuzou was quiet, thinking over his words. He was scared to die, she could see that. It was nothing to be ashamed of, there had been a time when she too had feared death. But there was something about facing your mortality as she had, staring death in the face for your every meal, that lead to a general lack of fear on the subject.  
"Mr.Shinohara, everybody dies. It's often those who focus so hard on surviving that forget to live." She wasn't used to being the wise one, but every now and again she had her moments. Mr.Shinohara sighed, smiling at her despite the vivid look of pity in his eyes. He knew she was damaged, and he humoured her most of the time. This was no different.  
"Alright, Juuzou. But can we please just get you checked out before we go and get lunch? For me?" He knew she respected him, he was the closest thing to a friend she had in the CCG! She wasn't stupid, either. Juuzou nodded grudgingly, crossing her arms over her chest.  
"Thank you." He gathered his things before leading her down to the medic. The man was small and quite geeky, a huge pile of comic books filling the space of his desk. He had quickly scanned her wrist before giving her an impressed look.  
"Do you have medical training?" He asked, his weak and wavering voice like that of a awed child. Juuzou shook her head, taking hold of one of the comic books and flipping through it. Books and such had never really appealed to her, considering her usual state of hyperactivity. Sitting down and reading just wasn't her thing. She did, however, like to draw. She studied the pictures, taking note of the colours used and the backgrounds.  
"Then how did you manage to stitch the wound so efficiently?" The medic asked, scratching his sweaty brow. Mr.Shinohara attempted to cut in, but Juuzou was already replying, unfazed.  
"I've done better than that, you wanna see?" She dropped the comic and stood, pulling up the hem of her shirt to reveal a pale stomach scattered with scars. One particularly long one cut across her left side, stretching from her final rib to her pelvis. Mama had been in a particularly violent mood that day, and it had taken Juuzou almost an hour to really clean herself up.  
"Oh my..." The medic stepped back, horrified. Mr.Shinohara held out a comforting hand, stepping in front of Juuzou as she repositioned her shirt, grinning. She didn't understand why people were so bothered by her scars, it wasn't like they had caused them.  
"Can we go now? I'm hungry!" Juuzou complained, nudging Mr.Shinohara's shoulder and twirled to stand before him. The elder man nodded, shooting the medic an apologetic look before heading out. Juuzou skipped down the hallway, happy to be getting actual food, not stealing from the academy's crappy canteen. Mr.Shinohara watched her, stuck between concern for her and worry for himself. She was so young, and so innocent in most ways. She didn't really understand the human world, having been raised by the ghouls, and that put them both at a disadvantage. However, her magnificent fighting skills, both with and without a weapon, meant that she would be a serious threat to any opposition she faced. In short, Juuzou would either define or destroy his career.  
The unlikely pair headed out for food in silence, one happily skipping around and watching those around her with wonder, the other trailing along wearily as he questioned his decisions.  
•••  
Juuzou's apartment was many things, but big wasn't one of them. The CCG had provided her with a place to call her own, the only condition being a strict rule against destruction. She wasn't to damage the walls, floor or provided appliances, no matter what.  
Honestly, she loved her little home. She had spent the first three days she lived there decorating. The walls had all been bare, the furniture minimal. It had reminded her of the hospital, all sterile and empty. So she'd bought every kind of coloured paint she could find and had covered the apartment in beautifully intricate paintings. Juuzou had spent a lot of her free time exploring after she was rescued from the ghouls. She had been so desperate to see everything she had missed that she would spend whole days just watching, silently observing nature. Each room had a different theme. Her tiny kitchen/dining room was a diner. She had painted the walls to mimic the first diner she could remember going to, with the same red and yellow trimming and huge windows. She had even painted the street outside, including all of the little people going about their business.  
The living room was a zoo. Animals covered every wall, each one a spectacle. Each colour was bright and lively, nothing like her old room at the academy. The hallway was a park, complete with people walking their dogs, children playing and couples sitting peacefully together. Juuzou loved to add little bits here and there every now and again. Her bedroom was her favourite. It was a fairly new thing to her, but one she cherished none the less. Spread out across the four walls of her small room was an impeccably realistic and detailed city skyline. It was the exact view from the top of the main CCG building. Juuzou had snuck up there a few times before, and had been blown away by the sheer beauty of the sleeping city. Though the sky above was inky and dark, there were still stores and homes emitting a softly glowing light that almost framed the city. It was hard to believe how cruel such a place could be when you saw it like that.  
Juuzou had finished her first day, and Mr.Shinohara had dropped her home. She was to be at the office at eight thirty the next morning, though it was already nine pm and she had yet to make herself dinner or shower or even take off her damn bra.  
Juuzou kicked off her slippers and removed the blazer she had worn rolled up to her elbows, throwing it over a randomly placed kitchen stool. She wasn't the best cook, so she dug in the cupboard for a bowl and made herself some cereal. She carried the bowl into the tightly packed living room and collapsed onto the couch, kicking her legs up and flipping on the tv. It was the news, so Juuzou just listened halfheartedly, munching away on her easy meal. She daydreamed until a particular news story caught her attention. An accident had left two people seriously hurt, resulting in the male receiving organs from the female after her death. That wasn't normal, just giving someone someone else's organs. There was a procedure, forms that had to be filled, people that had to be informed. She wondered if the doctor would be considered a hero or a villain tomorrow. It probably depended on the male patient. If he survived, well that was sure to put the doctor in a better light.  
Juuzou spent the rest of the night relaxing in front of the tv and occasionally topping up her bowl. Eventually she dragged herself to bed, collapsing into the soft navy sheets and curling into a ball.  
She would rise the next morning with the same dark bags under her eyes and the same manic smile on her face. She would get dressed and skip into work, a ball of pure energy. She would forget all about the doctor and his unfortunate patient. She would forget the name Ken Kaneki.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Juuzou loved sweet things. No matter where she was, if there was anything sweet nearby she was on it. Shinohara learnt this the hard way.   
The meeting was meant to be serious, a group of respectable investigators coming together to discuss their latest cases and tactics. Each man wore a smart looking suit and a stern expression to match. Juuzou already stuck out like a sore thumb. Her colourful appearance and generally cheery expression had earned her judging stares from the moment she stepped into the room, along with a few mumbled comments. It wasn't a new thing for her, but for Mr.Shinohara she assumed it was a shock. The poor man had to deal with her, and half of the judgmental thoughts would be aimed at him. This was new for him, and Juuzou felt sorry for him.   
She had done her best to behave. She hadn't said a word unless she was directly addressed, and she had kept her hands firmly placed in her lap. She didn't spin in her chair, as tempting as it was, and she didn't fidget. The meeting was almost over by the time Juuzou noticed the small bowl of fruit that had been placed in the corner of the room. She was getting hungry already, and her attention had long since wondered from the conversation. She had spent the last ten minutes staring blankly at the ground, too afraid to lift her head. She could feel the odd glance she had been shot, but she otherwise ignored them.   
Her stomach ached as she eyes up the ripe red apples, her eyes wide. She nibbled on the thread that looped her lip, trying to first act herself, but she couldn't. She could already taste the sweet juice on her tongue, feel the fruits flesh yielding under her sharp bite. She wanted an apple.   
Juuzou looked up shyly, trying to catch the eye of Mr.Shinohara, her hands picking at her shirt absently. He was speaking to one of the suited men, his tone serious. Apparently a ghoul had eaten a family of three in the middle of the twentieth ward. It was a messy situation from the sounds of it, but Juuzou wasn't interested. Ghouls would eat, regardless of how or who. There was little she could do about that.   
Juuzou tried to catch his eye for about a minute or two, then gave up on that. She huffed grumpily, once again eyeing up the perfectly ripe fruit. She could tell they were real, not just a decoration. They were probably put there as a space filler, but Juuzou could see small imperfections on the fruit that a manufacturer wouldn't have placed on something they had made.   
Juuzou quickly scammed the room, inspecting each of the men that surrounded her. She could tell they were confused by her. Because of her lack of direct femininity most of them were unsure of her gender, though if she was a male, she was not a very masculine one. She was like a small child, totally genderless without the help of obvious clothing. It was something she saw as an advantage, and something she added to. She was small, only five foot two, and quite skinny, so by binding her chest and wearing baggy clothes she was totally impossible to label without any doubt. She didn't hate being a girl, she just knew boys were taken more seriously. She was already seen as a fool, adding her gender into the mix would only make things worse for her.   
The fruit was calling to her, and every minute dragged by painfully slowly, the ache in her stomach growing by the second. Mr.Shinohara was still talking to his associates and Juuzou was seriously tempted to just rose and grab herself an apple. What was the worst that could happen? They already didn't care what she had to say, why would they care if she was eating? It was ridiculous to make herself uncomfortable just to please a group of strangers! Yes, she had made up her mind. She wanted a damn apple so she would have a damn apple!   
With deliberately graceful movements, Juuzou slid off her seat and shrugged around Mr.Shinohara's back, ducking behind him to make her way around the table. She could feel the scathing glares of the men on her back as she reached the bowl and selected an apple. She rubbed it on her shirt casually before taking a bite and grinning. Apples were new to her, and they always pleased her. Mama hadn't given her apples, but she wished she had. They were a sure favourite.   
"Shinohara, what is wrong with your partner?" One of the men demanded, his loud voice cutting off all conversation. Juuzou forced herself to stay still, not facing the group. She ate her apple silently, head down. Mr.Shinohara cleared his throat, the chair under him creaking as he sat up straighter.   
"What do you mean, Houji?" Mr.Shinohara asked calmly, probably looking the man in the eyes. Houji laughed, actually fucking laughed, and banged his hand against the desk.   
"Look at the kid, Shinohara! Not only is he not dressed appropriately for a meeting, he has hardly contributed at all! And then there's the fact he got up for a snack half way through! Does he know nothing of how to behave?" Juuzou looked over her shoulder at the man, her hair covering her blood red eyes. She saw him waving his hands at her, then at the group.   
"How does having an investigator like that make us look?"   
Mr.Shinohara took a deep breath, looking first to Juuzou then to the man, Houji.   
"Houji, if you have a problem with my partner, then we would be please to speak to you later in private. Otherwise, I would appreciate it if you didn't attack Juuzou so publicly." Juuzou flinched at his words. Why was he defending her? Wasn't he embarrassed? Wasn't he ashamed of her? She was a lowly third rank investigator, he didn't need to protect her! So why was he?   
"Huh?" Houji stared dumbly at the larger man before nodding and shooting Juuzou a cold glare.   
"Yes, I think that would be possible."   
•••  
Juuzou had returned to her seat, finishing the apple and leaving the core on the table just to spite the asshole Houji. Nobody said a word to her until the very end, when special class Matsuri Washuu turned to her, his glasses perched neatly on the bridge of his nose, and asked;  
"So, have you learned anything today, Juuzou?"   
Juuzou took a moment to look around her, her hands playing absently with the stitches in her left arm. She met Mr.Shinohara's gaze before nodding her head slowly.   
"And what would that be?" Matsuri pressed, keeping his tone polite. He didn't seem too bad.   
"I learnt how you guys tell each other stuff, and about the latest cases." She waited to see if that was enough. Matsuri nodded, watching her carefully.   
"Anything else?"  
Juuzou had never really been a petty person. She had had very little opportunity to be, and even less will. But in this room full of special class investigators, she made eye contact with the newly dubbed asshole, Houji, and spoke her mind.   
"I learnt what kind of people I'll be working with sir... And I'm not sure if I'm happy about that. All you people know about me is that I'm here now and this is what I look like at the moment. Considering I'm nineteen, that's not a lot." She paused, looking up to Mr.Shinohara apologetically. "I'm just saying, if you'd seen me fight, I'm pretty sure you'd change your minds about how much in worth. And I'm not stupid."   
She pulled her knees up to her chest, looking back away from the group and focusing on a sliver of light that slipped through a tiny gap in the large wooden door. Matsuri cleared his throat awkwardly before nodding.   
"Well, I think that's were we should call it a day. Now, I'll be making my way to the closest restaurant there is. You are all welcome to join me." There was a chorus of 'sure' and 'count me in's from the group as they packed their things and filtered out of the room. That left just Juuzou and Mr.Shinohara. They sat in silence for a moment, until finally Juuzou spoke up.   
"I'm sorry, I-"   
"Why are you apologising, Juuzou?" Mr.Shinohara cut in, twisting her chair so she had no choice but to face him. She met his gaze, his dark eyes radiating their usual kind warmth. Juuzou shrugged.   
"Because I got an apple. Because I was rude to Mr.Houji... Because you're stuck with me." She picked at her trousers, unsure of what to say.   
"Juuzou, you have done nothing wrong."   
Juuzou's eyes flew up to his face, her jaw dropping. She hadn't done anything wrong? She wasn't very good at understanding and interpreting human emotions, but she had seriously though he would be angry with her. She'd always been right about when mama was angry with her, so why was Mr.Shinohara any different?   
"I didn't?" She asked, confused.   
"No, you didn't. You were only observing this meeting, you didn't need to take part. And if you're hungry, then you should feel comfortable enough to get something to eat if it's available. In regards to Mr.Houji... Well, he is an adult, and should have acted as such. I'll be speaking to him later, so you shouldn't worry about him." Mr.Shinohara smiled, placing a comforting hand on her thin shoulder. He inspected her face, his gaze lingering on the dark circles under her eyes and the red thread that looped her lip. After a second, he continued.   
"Juuzou, you are my partner, and I will defend you whenever I can. You don't embarrass me, and I'm not ashamed to have you here. One day you're going to prove everyone wrong and make me proud. Now, would you like to get some proper food?"   
She was grinning widely as she nodded, jumping out of her seat and stretching her back.   
"Sure! Can I get ice cream?" She asked enthusiastically in her sing-song voice. Mr.Shinohara laughed, nodding his head.   
"You can have whatever you'd like."   
•••  
A few days later, Juuzou ran into a ghoul. Well, three of them actually. She had been wandering around downtown, her head bopping to a song only she could hear. She wore a pair of short shorts and a too-big button up plaid shirt. On her feet were a pair of beaten old plimsoles from back in the academy. She had been aiming to find somethings to occupy her day off, but had instead spent the day wandering around the city aimlessly, her legs varying her with no true direction. She had just turned down an alley when she saw them. Three figures, crouched over another, heavily shadowed figure that was sprawled on the ground. The sounds that came from the group were unmistakeable. Ghouls.   
Juuzou had tucked herself into the shadows, inching closer to get a better look. They weren't wearing masks, and one wore a janitors uniform. They were slipping, that was obvious. They probably didn't belong to one of the larger groups, meaning hunting was much harder, hence the shared meal.   
As a civilian, Juuzou could have simply backed away. She could have turned her back and pretended she never saw a thing. But as a ghoul investigator and an ex scrapper, she knew that wasn't an option. Her mind rationalised whilst her body readied itself for a much anticipated battle, her hands closing around the multiple handles of her hidden blades. With a deep breath, Juuzou stumbled into the light and gasped audibly. Three sets of black and red eyes were suddenly on her, the ghouls split between panic at being caught and excitement over the prospect of another meal. Juuzou continued to play the part of terrified young girl.   
"Now, now, kitten... There's no need to be afraid." One drawled as he sauntered closer. Juuzou backed up, her shoes scraping the ground. She was glad she was in girl clothes tonight, she knew it added to her appeal. People didn't like to be forced to use their brains.   
"P-p-please, don't!" She couldn't remember the last time she had been afraid, but she had seen plenty of fear. She imitated the hundreds of people she had killed in the restaurant, executing the higher tones and stutter perfectly. She felt her back hit a wall and gasped loudly.   
The ghouls laughed, crowding around her, their previous meal forgotten.   
"Come on sweetheart, let's not be shy... We're all friends here." The ghoul that was clearly the leader was tall, his dark hair thinning. He was skinny and bony, and clearly bordering on desperate. The ghouls at the restaurant hadn't been like him. They were all rich.   
"I-I-I wanted to go home..." Juuzou was an amazing actress. Mama had made sure of that. It was funny, Big Madame would have never expected she was teaching her skills she would later use to hunt and kill ghouls.   
"Oh, don't worry little lady, we'll take you home." It was at the final word that the ghouls stepped into the perfect position. Juuzou looked down, hiding her sinister grin under her hair. She braced herself against the wall.   
"Well, that's nice of you to offer, but I'll be fine on my own." And with that, she attacked. The ghoul on the right was her first target. She grabbed him and sung him into his friends, putting herself in front of the alleys exit. She was throwing knives in a second, one lodging in his throat, another going through his chest. The other ghouls watched in surprised horror before turning and running. Juuzou wasn't having them escaping. The one who had remained silent was next. She threw a knife and caught his ankle, snapping the tendon. He was grounded and disposed of quickly. That left only the leader. He had backed up against a large bin, sweating profusely. Juuzou walked towards him calmly.   
"Who the hell are you?" The ghoul demanded, his once cocky voice now a terrified whimper. She wasn't sure why he hadn't activated his kagune, but his kakugan was glowing in the low light. She paused, crossing her arms.   
"I'm an investigator, silly... Why aren't you fighting back? Don't want to fight a little girl? Come on, at least make me try a little." She was enjoying herself and made no effort to hide that.   
The ghoul screamed, a kagune bursting from his lower back and whipping behind him like a tail. She clapped her hands childishly, hopping on the spot.   
"Oh, wow! I haven't seen one like that before! I'd love to have that as a quinque!" She pulled out another knife, glad to have hidden them away in a holster under her shirt. The ghoul swung his kagune, aiming for her head. He missed, but not by much, earning a whistle from the investigator.   
"Not too bad, but not the best... Try keeping your eye on the target." And before he could take her advice, she was moving. She skipped around him, a blur of colourful movement. She giggled and called to him, making a quick cut to his arm. The ghoul growled, spinning around in his attempt to get a solid look at her. He was clearly untrained, and it surprised Juuzou that he had made it to this point. Usually ghouls weeded out the weak, killing them off before they got the more capable into trouble. It was commendable really, something Juuzou could understand. Why should many die for one? It didn't make sense.   
"You're messy... I'm doing you a favour!" She ducked down under the frantically swinging kagune, using her knife to catch onto the ghouls body. With a graceful twist, Juuzou had split him in half. She hadn't know her cute little blades were that powerful, but apparently they were better than she thought.   
Stepping back to survey the scene, Juuzou sighed. She'd left her work issued mobile at home, so she would have to get someone else to call the police. With a slight bounce in her step, Juuzou walked to the end of the alley and called out onto the street. There were a handful of kids sitting on a nearby wall, and her sudden about caught their attention.   
"Hey, you!" One of the boys looked up, pointing to himself awkwardly.   
"Yeah, you'll do. You couldn't do a girl a favour could you?" She leant against the wall and smiled sweetly, making the boy blush.   
"Uh, what do you want me to do?" He asked cautiously.   
"I'd just need to borrow your phone real quick... I've gotta call the cops." She headed over, quickly coming to stand before the boy. Even sitting he towered over her, though he couldn't have been older than sixteen. How cute. He gave her his phone in stunned silence, not taking his eyes off of her once. All of his friends were staring at her, but Juuzou was too busy to ask why. After she soaked the phone rang twice before it was answered by a grumpy make voice.   
"Hello?"   
"Hi, yeah, um... Look, I'm gonna be straight with ya, it's not pretty. I'm an investigator, and I need a clean up crew for downtown, near-" she paused, looking up to the stunned boy.   
"What are we near?" She asked, holding her hand to the phone. The boy looked around before answering.   
"Um, the gold wing restaurant? That's pretty popular, and it's just over there." He pointed to a small restaurant behind her, earning himself a nod and a wink from the girl.   
"The Golden Wing restaurant? I'm by an alley just behind there. Look, you'd better be quick, I'm using some kids cell phone and I'm not sure if they were a boy band or an orchestra, if you get what I mean..." The officer agreed to send down some people, and started to hang up, but Juuzou cut in before he could.   
"Oh, and can you send down Special class Shinohara please? He'd want to see this." After that, Juuzou hung up herself. She smiled at the kid as she handed back his phone, thanking him softly.   
"Look, you'd better get going unless you wanna be questioned all night... We got a messy situation down there." Juuzou spun on the spot, kicking out her leg as she did. She had to stay with the bodies, in case the ghouls had friends. She was almost at the alley when on of the girls spoke up. Her voice was soft, just above a whisper, but Juuzou heard it.   
"You're bleeding." Was all she said, stopping the investigator in her tracks. She looked down at herself, doing a little twirl as she did. There was a large gash in her side, and it was bleeding pretty badly. She was surprised she hadn't noticed, but with the adrenaline, she guessed it wasn't that big a deal. She would have to put pressure on it or something until the cops showed up. Although, Mr.Shinohara wouldn't be too happy that she'd gotten herself hurt. Juuzou sighed, rolling her eyes.   
"Thanks for telling me... I wasn't kidding, you kids had better go! I assume none of you want to explain to your parents why you're here." The kids slowly jumped off of the wall and left, throwing back confused glances behind them. Juuzou was glad to see them leave. She headed back to the bodies, kicking them to make sure they were totally done. She would have collected up her knives, but she knew they had to stay put until someone had taken pictures. It wouldn't be enough for anything big, but killing off the three small fry all on her own might get her a pat on the back.   
Juuzou sat in the ground, her legs crossed, and inspected the wound. It wasn't deep, just ugly. She didn't think it would leave to bad a scar if any. It was just a shame she didn't have her needle and thread. She pulled off her shirt and used it to put pressure on the wound, glad she had chosen to wear a vest top underneath. She hadn't bound her chest today, so that meant her small, perky breasts were clearly visible, along with quite a bit of her pale skin. She was only wearing shorts after all.   
It wasn't long until she heard sirens approaching, and soon there was the sound of a man calling out. Juuzou pulled herself up and walked to the end of the alley yet again, looking out and waving.   
"Hey guys, down here!" She called. She was just turning back into the alley when she heard the unmistakeable voice of Mr.Shinohara. He pushed through the crowd of cops, all looking mildly puzzled, and headed straight for her. His jaw was set tightly and his shoulders were tense.   
"Juuzou Suzuya!" He yelled, storming over to her. She stopped, waiting for him to reach her, her head tilting back more and more the closer he got. He really was huge next to her.   
"What in the hell do you think you were doing, taking on a ghoul yourself! You could have been hurt, or killed! Do you know..." His gaze had been pulled away by the destruction in the alley. It was a mess of blood and bodies, spread out from one else to the other. His dark eyes grew wide as he looked from the chaos to the tiny girl that had caused it.   
"Four?" Was all he said. Juuzou shook her head, shifting the shirt into a better position in her side. Mr.Shinohara hadn't noticed yet.   
"Three, they were feeding when I saw them." She explained, confused as to why this had stopped his rampage.   
Mr.Shinohara took a step back, rubbing the back of his head with one large hand. He was dressed for work in his usual suit topped with a white jacket, but the briefcase that held his quinque was missing. He clearly hadn't been out of the office yet that day, and Juuzou shot him a sympathetic look. He was gonna have a long day.   
"They were feeding, and you just, what, jumped in?"   
"Pretty much, yeah."   
Mr.Shinohara was staring at her, incredulous, when the cops finally came over. One took her to one side as another headed down the darkened alley with a torch. The stars were bright in the sky by now, and shadows filled the streets.   
"And you haven't touched anything since?" The officer clarified, frowning at his notebook as he jotted down their conversation. Juuzou shook her head, smiling brightly.   
"No sir, I know the rules... Though I'd live my knives back soon, please... I don't have an official quinque yet, so scorpion is all I have." She looked away for a second when she felt her hand slowly growing damp. She had bled through the shirt, which was now ruined, and her pale hand was now red. She groaned, hating the feeling of blood on her hands. It was always so sticky, yet slippery... The consistency didn't make sense. The officer noticed her actions.   
"Are you alright, ma'am? You're not injured?" Mr.Shinohara's head lifted from his feet at this, his ears perking up. He was suddenly studying Juuzou, looking her over from head to toe. His gaze quickly landed on her reddened hand.   
"It's just a scratch, nothing to worry about." Juuzou smiled to the officer, waving with her free hand as he moved along to do whatever else he was doing. Mr.Shinohara was nowhere near as easy.   
He grabbed her hand, firmly yet gently, and pulled it away from her side. The sodden shirt fell to the floor with a sickening squelch as her 'scratch' was revealed.   
"Oh, Juuzou..." Was all he said, pulling the ripped fabric of her shirt away from the wounds opening.   
"I'm fine, it doesn't hurt." She shrugged, taking her arm out of his grasp and bending to pick up her shirt. He stopped her as soon as her blood started dripping faster.   
"Why do you always hurt yourself when you're with me?" He asked, picking up the shirt without any concern for its bloody state and handing it to its owner. Juuzou rolled her eyes, her usual inability to remain still intact. She kicked her leg out awkwardly, bending it this way and that.   
"I didn't hurt myself with you, you just got here after I hurt myself. Besides, it's part of my job, right? I can't just ignore a group of ghouls after they've clearly killed someone!"   
"You can if you're alone and armed only with some silly throwing knives!" Mr.Shinohara chided, his voice suddenly tired.   
Juuzou decided not to argue for the time being. She was hungry and tired and bleeding, ant at this rate it wouldn't be long until she was light headed too. She wakes over to a nearby bin and threw in the shirt, accepting it's demise, then headed over to a pair of cops who were leaning on their car bonnets. They looked up as she approached, brows raised.   
"Can we help you?" One asked, trying to be polite. Juuzou shot Mr.Shinohara a look before kidding her head.   
"Yeah, actually. I got a little bit stabbed in the fight, could you give me and my superior a lift to the hospital please?" She smiled, leaning forward slightly to show off her cleavage. She wasn't an innocent little girl, she knew how to play dirty. The cop stuttered out a yes, asking if she needed anything. She accepted a blanket to put on the wound before nodding to Mr.Shinohara who climbed into the back beside her.   
"This is very grown up of you, Juuzou, I'm impressed." He told her, smiling slightly. Juuzou pouted, looking out of the window. He would have made her go anyway, it might as well be on her terms. She hated hospitals, and he knew it. But the girl stayed silent, simply stating at the passing city.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I apparently don't sleep at night anymore, which is great... But it means I could get through this chapter pretty quickly! Please let me know what you think, or if there's anything you'd particularly like to see!   
> See ya soon!   
> KilleDuckie


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The hospital was boring as always. Juuzou had sat on the bed as the doctors checked her over, playing absentmindedly with the drip they had stuck in her arm. Mr.Shinohara watched worriedly from the corner, his hands in his pockets, the picture of a worried father.  
"And how did this happen again?" One of the nurses asked, making amazingly quick notes on her clipboard. Juuzou sent Mr.Shinohara a look before answering.  
"I was in a fight." She answered cautiously, going back to picking at the needle in her arm. The nurse sighed, crossing her arms.  
"A fight?" She sounded doubtful, her clipped tone icy. Juuzou nodded, her hair falling into her eyes. Mr.Shinohara coughed from the corner, urging her to explain.  
"A fight... With a few ghouls." She expanded, her tone light and distant. The room went still, the doctor tending to her wound freezing.  
"Ghouls? You're telling me you were attacked by ghouls and that is the only mark you got? Or are you hiding more?" The nurse was the first to recover, though she still sounded doubtful. Juuzou sighed, meeting the woman's sharp glare head in.  
"I'm an investigator, and I attacked them."  
Mr.Shinohara groaned, rubbing his eyes with one hand. This would mean an even larger check up and a longer visit than they had planned. The nurse looked to Mr.Shinohara for confirmation, who nodded.  
"Alright then, well then you must know what this means." She turned, heading out of the room, not leaving Juuzou time to reply. The doctor continued, finishing up his work before heading out to meet the nurse. That left the two investigators alone.  
"You don't have to stay, I'll be fine." Juuzou broke the awkward silence, pulling her knees up to her chest. Mr.Shinohara rolled his eyes, crossing to the crappy little classroom chair that had been pushed against the wall. He shrugged off his jacket and sat himself down, crossing one leg over the other, ankle to knee.  
"I'm not leaving you here all on your own, Juuzou." The look he gave her said she was stupid for even suggesting he leave. She fell silent once again.  
The nurse was right, she did know what was coming next. A doctor would come into the room and make her strip so they could inspect every inch of her body. They would stare at her scars in horror and frown at her small size. They would ask her awkward questions and be displeased with her answers. Then they would tick their useless fucking clipboard and leave her to pull herself together. She knew she didn't feel the same emotions as others. She bounced constantly between a state of indifference, curiosity and excitement. She rarely felt angry or sad, and didn't really understand how people felt when they did. But she could understand embarrassment. Mama had made sure of that.  
Juuzou wanted Mr.Shinohara to go. She knew how he saw her. She was a damaged little girl to him, though he knew she was dangerous. He thought of her as the victim, and almost seemed to whiteout the hundreds of people she had killed. She hadn't had a filter when they found her. She'd told them in vivid detail what she did to those people. She'd told them about getting 'good girl points', and pleasing mama. Mr.Shinohara had heard it all from her own mouth. But he'd never seen her in an emotionally compromised state. She had always been indifferent about things that would bother others, and most of the time her response was not what she was 'feeling' but what she knew was expected of her. It would be one of the first real emotions he would witness.  
"Are you alright, Juuzou? Does anything hurt?" Mr.Shinohara interrupted her thoughts, his dark eyes focused on her face. She must have been showing something other than passive acceptance. She nodded quickly, jumping down from the bed and grabbing her IV bag from the holder. The elder investigator frowned, puzzled.  
"What are you doing?" He moved to stand, but she held out a halting hand.  
"I got a trick I learned last time I was here, wanna see?" She grinned, pleased to have thought up a distraction. Mr.Shinohara's brows lifted, taking off a few years she had put on him.  
"What kind of trick?" He knew her too well, but this was innocent, nothing illegal or too morally wrong going on.  
"Just watch..." Her face suddenly fell, the dark circles under her eyes becoming even more prominent. She let her shoulders sag and her arms wrapped around her in a mixture of pain and upset. She looked very young and very vulnerable. She staggered into the hallway, her steps small and deliberate.  
"Excuse me..." She stopped a passing nurse, reaching out with a shaking hand. The woman was instantly lending her a supporting hand, reaching for the girl with a compassionate glow in her light brown eyes.  
"Yes, sweetheart? I'm not sure you should be out of bed, my dear, you don't look well." The woman started to lead her back into the room, her hand resting on her back. Juuzou paused, looking up at the nurse pitifully.  
"But I wanted to get something to drink... I haven't eaten all day and my head is spinning." She blinked slowly, as if to show how distant her mind was becoming. The nurse frowned, giving the smaller girl a once over.  
"Don't worry sweetie, I'll go and get you something... Just go and sit down, I won't be long." The nurse patted her pale cheek as Juuzou nodded, heading back into her room. Mr.Shinohara stared at her with a mixture of disapproval and shock. She was a surprisingly good actress, and had nearly convinced him she was suffering.  
"That's not a very good thing to do, Juuzou..." He started, but stopped as she rolled her eyes.  
"Neither are most of the things I do, but at least they get me somewhere..." She mumbled, hanging up the IV and jumping up onto the bed, settling herself. It was in this moment that Shinohara took note, not for the first time, how strangely Juuzou sat. She always sat with her back straight as a board and her legs tightly together. She often sat like that when she was tired or daydreaming. It was obvious it was a habit that had been drilled into her, considering she only did it in moments of miss-thought. She played with her hair, the shoulder length platinum locks curling at the ends as they often did. It was odd for him to see her in 'girl clothes'. Though she never denied her gender, Juuzou had a habit of hiding it. Weather that was thanks to her abusive upbringing or because of her own quirky nature, he wasn't sure.  
"Juuzou," he called, catching her attention. Her ruby eyes shifted towards him, her stance changing almost immediately. Her legs relaxed and crossed, her back bending slightly. "I've had to report this to the office, so another investigator will be sent down to take your statement..."  
Juuzou's pale face fell.  
"But-" she had to get it together. She was emotionless, empty. She was a broken toy, so she refused to be embarrassed. What did it matter if another investigator showed up? Old Juuzou wouldn't have cared. Hell, academy Juuzou wouldn't have cared! She would have said fuck it and gotten on with her day. So why was she now so bothered? Because she got hurt? Because she was about to be humiliated in front of Mr.Shinohara? Or because another investigator would now know she was actually an under developed girl? She wasn't sure, but she had to make up her mind soon. The single hesitant word she had uttered had instantly gained her partners attention, his sharp dark eyes on her.  
"What's wrong, Juuzou? I wouldn't have thought you would be bothered?" His tone was kind, his expression a mixture of surprise and worry.  
'Yeah, Juuzou, what is wrong?' She asked herself. She wasn't sure. She didn't know how to process her own feelings and thoughts. Asking her what she felt was like asking a learner driver to park a fucking bus. She didn't know what to say, or how to comprehend her own thoughts. She groaned, throwing herself back on the bed and putting an arm over her eyes. This was so frustrating! She wished she hadn't been forced to learn how to be a human in moments like this, when it was so painfully obvious how behind she really was.  
"I'm not... I can't..." She didn't know what he wanted her to say. She could lie and say she just didn't want to make a statement. She could say she was tired, and just wanted to be left alone. Or she could tell him the truth, whatever the hell that was.  
"You can't what?" He stood, coming to stand beside her. She was so small, like a doll. She was so thin, her tiny wrists and ankles looking easily breakable. It was unbelievable the sheer strength that she could muster without even meaning to. He'd seen her break things accidentally in the office, like pencils and even a computer mouse. Small things, but it was hard to break them just my using them. Most had to set out to destroy them.  
It was just as he moved to take her hand and pull her arm away from her face that the nurse returned. In her arms were a selection of cafeteria foods, including red jell-o. The woman took one look at the clearly distressed girl and ushered him out of her way, fluttering around her.  
"Oh, sweetie, is it hurting? Do you want me to give you some medication?" She checked her vitals and must not have liked what she found, grabbing Juuzou's clipboard and taking quick notes.  
Medication? Like pain killers? Juuzou didn't mind that idea. This woman didn't know she couldn't feel the gash in her side, so why would she know how she would react to the drugs. She wasn't allergic, so why would she? Having lived a life so substance-free, Juuzou had discovered she was highly susceptible to anything chemical. She could get paralytic from just one glass of wine, and got drowsy off of everyday pain killers. Anything the hospital gave her was sure to take the edge off. She stayed silent as the woman worked, checking her pulse, her breathing, all of it.  
"Ok, honey. I'll go get you something, just one minute... Really, why they'd leave you without anything!" She left just as quickly as she had arrived, her gentle footsteps echoing in the quiet hallway. It was getting late, and this ward wasn't particularly busy.  
"Juuzou, you don't feel pain, why are you-" Juuzou didn't want to talk right now. She wasn't sure what she was meant to say, so she wouldn't speak. Mama had taught her to only speak when spoken to, but she had since learned how old fashioned that was. So, if she could speak whenever she wanted, she could not speak whenever she wanted, too. She avoided his gaze as she turned on her side and curled into a ball, hiding.  
"Juuzou..." He sighed, rubbing his eyes tiredly. She was a tricky girl to work with. No, woman. It was hard to remember how old she really was. She may look like a little girl, but she was a nineteen year old now, not a baby. She could do whatever she liked, though he may not approve. He had to remind himself he wasn't her father. Resigned, Mr.Shinohara sat back down, his head in his hands. He was tired, but he wouldn't leave her. She could get up to all kinds of trouble on her own, so he would have to stay.  
The nurse came back with a tray of medical stuff that neither investigator bothered to look at, giving the unnecessary medication to Juuzou with a gentle touch. She patted the girls cheek softly before leaving them once more, promising she would be just outside if she was needed. Juuzou nodded, faking a weak smile of thanks.  
The room was silent, the awkward tension like a physical fog, thick enough to cut with a knife.  
"I'm sorry." The mumble was so small he almost didn't hear it, but after looking up to the girl, he could tell it had been aimed at him. Shinohara saw her turn onto her other side, facing him. Her usually wide eyes were dazed, and there was a slight tremble to her lips. Juuzou was high as a kite, but not in a happy, sunny way. Instead, she looked on the brink of tears.  
"What's wrong, Juuzou?" He was on his feet beside her in about two seconds flat. He had never seen her look anything close to sad before. Anger, happiness and indifference were the only emotions he had seen her directly display, so this was a first for him.  
"I don't wanna have a check up." She whispered, like it was a huge secret. Nobody liked being inspected by a doctor, but everyone had to. It wasn't really a matter of choice.  
"I know, but it won't last long." He assured her, but it seemed pointless. She shook her head, dislodging one of her many clips and causing some hair to fall into her face.  
"But I don't like taking my clothes off..." The words hit him like a slap. He'd seen the file after she'd been rescued, seen the evidence photos. He knew she was covered in scars, each one evidence of a different kind of abuse. He felt like an idiot now, really looking at her. Who could come out of something like that and be untouchable? She was a vulnerable young woman, no matter how physically tough she was. She was the victim.  
"Juuzou, I-"  
"I don't wanna be the victim anymore." She cut in, as though she'd red his mind, looking up at him through clouded eyes. Her body had gone limp, her head resting heavily against her pillow. "But I'm not like the other girls... I'm too small, too damaged. Who's ever gonna take me seriously?"  
She was talking to herself now, her gaze distant.  
"It doesn't matter what I do, those are always gonna be my defining features; raised by ghouls and a weak little girl. But I'm not weak. A lot of investigators wouldn't have been able to take on three ghouls at once! But I can... I guess it's because I scare them. I kill too clean, ya know? It's too easy for me." She concluded, seeming to remember Shinohara's presence. He paused, looking her in the eye.  
"Why do you think you scare them, Juuzou? Have they told you that?" He asked softly, pulling the chair closer to he could be eye level with her. She smiled, her hand waving around her airily.  
"No, it's because I know too much, but not enough. I know about the ghouls. I know how to take them down just as well as a human. I know how they work and what they are capable of. But I'm broken... Just a broken toy..." She giggled sweetly, her eyes almost closing.  
"What do you mean you're broken?" He tried to keep her focused, knowing the investigator would be there soon, but it was no use. Juuzou just rolled her eyes and snuggled in.  
"I wanna be a real girl, Mr.Shinohara!" She mumbled in a weak Pinocchio impersonation. She was asleep in seconds after that.  
•••  
Three days later, Juuzou was back at work. She had been forced to take a few days off to recover, and to be honest, after her night of being drugged out of her head, she needed it. The pain medication had given her weird dreams, and had left her feeling more tired the more sleep she got. So, for two days she had hidden out in her apartment, only eating when her belly hurt and only getting out of bed to pee. She had ended up giving the investigator a very vivid description of her destruction of the ghouls, as well as explaining the complexities of having a small build. Once they'd gotten her chatting, she couldn't stop. She'd even nearly told Mr.Shinohara about how she had only liked him at first because he reminded her of the super heroes from the few books mama had let her look at. She couldn't read back then, but the pictures had entertained her.  
But, alas, she had to go back to work eventually. She still didn't look too well, and she wasn't exactly in the best of moods, but she would go. She met Mr.Shinohara outside of the CCG building, her sluggish steps barely noted beside his large paces. He was silent as she joined him, staring off into the distance. It was rare for him to so obviously daydream, so she said nothing. She didn't want to interrupt his thoughts.  
"Are you feeling better?" He asked finally as they sat across from each other, Mr.Shinohara with his paperwork, Juuzou with a colouring book. She would do work when she was given it, not at home. This wasn't the academy.  
"I'm tired, I'm groggy, but I'll be fine." She yawned, rubbing her eyes sleepily. Mr.Shinohara nodded, signing papers and reading files with shocking speed. Juuzou was just doodling her own version of a lion when her mentor spoke up.  
"I'm sorry I'm in a bit of a bad mood today, Juuzou. I got some bad news this morning." He put down his pen and covered his face with one large hand. Juuzou watched him, curious.  
"An old friend of mine has been killed... His underling was quite upset."  
Juuzou said nothing, knowing anything she said would make things worse. She couldn't understand how he felt. To her, death was nothing to concern yourself with. Unless it was your own death or you had caused it, it wasn't your problem. Let your mind stay with the living, that was her way of thinking.  
"Do you want anything from the vending machine? I'm heading there now." Juuzou asked after a few minutes of silence. Mr.Shinohara looked up, the dark circles under his eyes lightening slightly.  
"Surprise me." Was all he said, and it was enough. Juuzou nodded, skipping out of the room in her usual floaty way. She would give him a bit of space, then carry on as usual. Just because someone dies, it doesn't mean life stops. So she wouldn't let his. He was her partner, her mentor. So she would keep him busy.  
•••  
"Young man, do you understand the severity of what you have done?" The police officer was standing over her, his arms crossed over his broad chest. He was a large man with a protruding stomach and a weak attempt at a moustache. Juuzou grinned, kicking her legs up to rest against the wall of her cell. Yes, she did understand, but she hadn't spoken yet, so why start now?  
"You stole a car! That is horribly illegal! And not only that, you then crashed it!" He waited for a response, but after a moment of being ignored, he spoke up again.  
"I need you to tell me someone I can call to validate your identity. Do you have anyone?"  
She did, an entire company actually, but she had left the first ward, where the main office stood, and snuck into the eleventh. She wasn't meant to go so far away on her own. Mr.Shinohara had set that rule ages ago, and she usually followed it. But she'd been so bored...  
"Look, do you want to spend the night in a cell or do you want to go home? Make up your mind." The office pushed, scowling. Juuzou sighed, finally looking him in the eye.  
"Special investigator Kousuke Houji." It was the first name to pop into her head, and one she instantly regretted saying. She didn't want to look at Shinohara's disappointed face, but even that would be better than this level of abuse. Houji was an asshole.  
"Alright then." The officer walked away to make the call, taking away her chance to change her mind. Maybe staying in a cell wouldn't be too bad...  
She was a mess. She had been wearing a pair of blue jeans and a too big hoodie before she'd crashed the stolen car. Now both were ripped and slightly singed, black marks covering them. She knew there was soot covering her skin too, but that didn't bother her. On her feet were a pair of blocky army boots, one of the reasons she had crashed. Juuzou was actually a pretty good driver. She'd taken a few lessons here and there, and her teachers had always been impressed. The crash had been an accident, and she'd planned to take the car back... It had just been so pretty! It was a new model, one she hadn't seen before, and it looked so fast! She had been behind the wheel before she knew it. And she would have gotten away with it of some shitty learner hadn't pulled out in front of her at an awkward angle! This was her second fuckup in as many days.  
"He's gonna fucking kill me..." She rolled over, hiding her head in her hands. She just wanted to go see something new, not get herself into trouble. But this was Juuzou, and she was always in trouble.  
It was a while before Houji showed up, his usual pissed off demeanour intact. He sneered at the girl, putting his hands in his pockets.  
"Well well... What have we here?" Juuzou groaned, picking herself up and crossing her arms.  
"Houji." She smiled, looking past him. "Can I go home now?"  
Houji shook his head, incredulously. He stepped closer to the bars, looking down at her.  
"Juuzou, you're in big trouble." He hissed, ignoring the girls groan.  
"And I'm sure you'll tell me all about it on the way home, but can we get rid of the bars? I really need to pee, and I'm not doing it in here." She looked at the small cell across, the large old man inside watching her closely. "I'm not sure I wanna give Bumi over there a show."  
Grudgingly, she was released, handed her abused mobile and the change she had on her, then lead by Houji to his car. She wasn't expecting Mr.Shinohara to be sat in the front seat.  
"Oh shit..." She paused before climbing into the back seat, her hands landing in her lap. She was in trouble.  
"Thank you, Houji." Mr.Shinohara ignored her, nodding to his colleague and looking straight ahead.  
Juuzou looked out of the window, waiting for one of them to start on her. Houji jumped in first as they pulled away from the station.  
"You are supposed to be an investigator. Do you know how stunts like this make us look?" He steered steadily, showing his extensive experience.  
"I mean, I understand the last incident, you thought you were under threat, but stealing and destroying a car?" He kept his tone tight and clipped, one Juuzou was familiar with. With mama, the only things that conveyed anger were shouting and violence. Now it was a sharp tone and a look. At least it didn't hurt anymore.  
"The crash wasn't my fault." She defended weakly. This seemed to signal Mr.Shinohara to cut in.  
"But the theft? What, did you suddenly find yourself in the drivers seat? Or did you accidentally misplace the information that stealing is wrong?" Mr.Shinohara was losing his composure. He looked furious, his dark eyes narrowed. Juuzou shrunk into herself.  
"I thought they'd never know... I'm a good driver, it was an accident."  
Mr.Shinohara lost his temper. It was only for a second, but it was enough. He turned, scowling at his partner who was curled up in the back seat, and shouted.  
"You're not a child, Juuzou! You're making me look like a fool!"  
Juuzou froze, her bloody red eyes studying the large man looming over her. She wasn't afraid. She didn't know how to be afraid. No, she was angry.  
"Oh, I'm sorry, didn't I earn enough good girl points?" She hissed, squaring up to him. Mr.Shinohara paled instantly, backing down. Houji looked at them, shocked. Juuzou had shut him down in one whispered sentence.  
"I-I-"  
Juuzou kicked the back of Houji's seat, getting his attention.  
"Pull over." She instructed. He looked back at her, his face the picture of disbelief.  
"Who do you think you're talking to?" He cried, not even slowing down. Juuzou growled, leaning forward to look him in the eye through the rearview mirror.  
"Pull over or I'll bite out your throat." Houji was shocked and intimidated, a mixture of feelings he had never thought to feel thanks to Juuzou Suzuya. He slowed down, pulling over and watching in utter disbelief as the girl kicked open her door and stormed out onto the street. It was pitch black and she was weaponless, but that didn't matter. She hadn't been joking when she threatened Houji, and she knew killing him would be satisfying as hell.  
She walked quickly, her old habit of swaying her hips catching her in her moment of stress. Mama had insisted she walk like a proper lady, and it would happen when she wasn't paying attention. From the car, Houji and Mr.Shinohara watched in stunned silence.  
"What the hell was that?" Houji screamed after a moment, staring at his colleague. Shinohara watched as his subordinate sashayed around the corner into an alley, her anger clear in her right shoulders.  
"She quoted her mother at me... She called me a ghoul." He finally met the furious gaze of Houji, swallowing hard.  
"What? And SHE? I thought Juuzou was a boy!" He wasn't sure what was going on, but he didn't like it. No underlining should be able to totally shut down their mentor in one sentence!  
"She likes it that way... Less expectation I think. It doesn't matter what a boy looks like or acts like, or at least that's what she was taught. She was raised by ghouls, Houji. Big Madame spent the beginning of her life torturing her, forcing her to kill humans in the ghoul restaurant, then torturing her some more. It's why she's so..."  
"Damaged?" Houji filled in, brows raised. He wasn't sure what to think. Juuzou didn't look or act like a victim. She wasn't timid or skittish, and she wasn't afraid of ghouls. But then she wasn't normal. The fact he was thinking she was weird enough!  
"She asked me if she hadn't earned enough good girl points. That's what Big Madame used to say to her." Shinohara dropped his head into his hands, rubbing his tired eyes. Things hadn't slowed down ever since Mado died. He'd been dealing with a distraught Amon, a misbehaving Juuzou and a fuckload of work. It had been a nightmare, and now he was taking it out on Juuzou. He knew how she thought. She only just understood human behaviour, and things like this were bound to happen. They could pay off the owner of the car and the police, and they could handle anything else. It was just so frustrating! She had the mind of a woman and the understanding of a child...  
"Are we going to leave her? We're only just in the ninth ward." If he'd never been told about Juuzou's true gender, he wouldn't have cared, but she was a young girl out all alone with no weapons. She could get hurt.  
"She'll be fine. She knows her way around, trust me." Shinohara sighed, looking up finally.  
"Just go. I'll check on her in the morning."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm already working on the next chapter, so it shouldn't be too long... Let me know what you guys think! Thanks for reading my story :)  
> KD


	4. Chapter 4

Juuzou had been furious. She understood why he had been angry, but nobody shouted at her. She hated being shouted at, and she wouldn't stand for it. She had needed to take out her aggression, so after picking up her blades from home, Juuzou had gone on the hunt. She had totally destroyed three ghouls not far from her apartment. It made her feel much better.  
Still, when Mr.Shinohara knocked on her door early the next morning, she ignored him. She knew he could hear her, and she wasn't pretending she wasn't home. She just wasn't letting him in.   
She'd been asleep on the couch when he knocked, waking her up (which was lucky, otherwise she would have been late for work). She had rolled off and headed towards the door, looking through the peephole and sighing audibly. He was kicking his feet awkwardly, his large body taking up a huge chunk of the hallway. If little Miss.Katchi next door saw him, she would probably have a heart attack... Though Juuzou doubted that would stop her from breaking down her door and throwing one of her twelve or so cats at her. It was a serious threat that the tiny woman held.   
Juuzou had taken her time, showering and eating her breakfast with small bites. She knew he was still out there, waiting for her. For most this would be creepy, but to Juuzou it was just annoying.   
"I have to see you at work anyway, moron..." She mumbled as she pulled on her clothes, topping her usual too-big white shirt with a dark blue blazer that she rolled up to her elbows. She double checked her clips before grabbing a bottle of strawberry water from the fridge and heading out into the hallway.   
Mr.Shinohara was leaning against the far wall, checking his watch, but he straightened up when he saw her.   
Juuzou didn't look well. Her usual dark circles had doubled in size and her steps were sluggish. She didn't acknowledge him as she appeared, just locked her doors and started down the hallway. She hopped down the several flights of stairs with ease, taking small sips from her bottle, before coming to a halt at the bottom.   
Now it was he chance to decide how much of a bitch she wanted to be. Chained to a metal grate to her left was her electric blue bicycle. She hadn't ridden it to work yet, but the key was still in her pocket. Would she walk, as usual, or take her bike and make the senior investigator walk alone.  
She decided to walk, but quickly, and she would take as many shortcuts as she could. She wanted to show him she was pissed, not that she was a bitch. She hurried down the street, her head held high. She could hear him trailing behind her, and was impressed that he didn't bother saying anything to her. She didn't think she could handle actual words right now. She knew she would say the wrong thing and just generally fail to get her point across. She jumped a handful of fences on her way, and made it to the CCG main building in less than ten minutes, a real record, considering she lived twenty minutes away by normal standards. She was already sat in her chair with her headphones in by the time Mr.Shinohara arrived in their office, his cheeks slightly flushed from trying to keep up. He collapsed into his chair, his head tipping back as he sighed.   
"Juuzou, I wanted to apologise." He managed eventually, looking over to his irritable subordinate. Juuzou pretended she couldn't hear him, kicking her feet up onto her desk and cleaning her many quinque blades, lining them up on the desk.   
"I shouldn't have shouted, and I understand you didn't mean to crash the car." He waited, but it was pointless. She hummed along to the music softly, her sweet voice hidden behind her lips.   
"I've handled the police, they're going to pretend this never happened." He started to work, allowing her to ignore him. She would crack end finally, she wasn't a naturally malicious person. She would want to say or do something eventually.   
He wasn't prepared for the hours of silence that followed. They were in for a long night, so it had well and truly gotten dark by the time Juuzou piped up. "Are you still mad at me?" Her soft voice made Shinohara jump, dropping his pen and banging his knee on the table.   
"Mad at you? No. It wasn't just you last night, and I shouldn't have raised my voice. I'm sorry. Mado was a good man, and he didn't deserve what he got." Juuzou could see that he was upset by whoever this Mado was, but she couldn't say anything. She didn't know how to handle such things, so she didn't try.   
"I'm going to go and get something to eat." She announced after a moment, jumping up and stuffing her blades into their holster around her waist. Mr.Shinohara jumped up too, automatically searching his pockets.   
"Here." He tried to give her his wallet, but she turned it down. She didn't want his money, she would find another way to get food.   
"Don't forget I have a meeting soon!" He called as she left the room. She hurried out of the building, glad to be free of the tight atmosphere that the CCG provided. She walked aimlessly, looking for an easy target. She was deep in the twentieth ward by the time she saw him.   
The boy was taller than her, but not what you would call tall. He had dark hair that fell into his face and a white medical eyepatch on his left eye. Juuzou smiled as she pulled her hair into her face and squared her shoulders, pulling out her boy persona. She stalked forward, banging into the boy. He jumped, holding out a steadying hand.   
"I'm sorry!" He apologised automatically, but his voice faded as his eye landed on the strange creature before him.   
"I'm the one who should be sorry. I was lost in thought for a second there." She smiled, keeping her eyes hidden. Her hands knotted together as she spoke, showing off her body stitch.   
Clutching his wallet inside her sleeve, Juuzou nodded, moving to pass him.   
"Well then, goodbye... I'm in a hurry-" She didn't wait around. She hurried down an alley and climbed over a wall, putting distance between them before opening up the wallet. She pulled out several cards before finding the boys student ID card, providing his name and age.  
"Ken Kaneki, age nineteen? That's the same age as me." She moved onto the main component, pulling out the bills eagerly.   
"And the vital contents are... Oh, one, two, three thousand yen." She sighed, stuffing the money into her pocket and walking on.   
"I won't be able to eat anything great with just this." She complained to herself, frowning. "I should have let Mr.Shinohara give me his wallet after all."   
She was wandering towards a small convenience store when she was grabbed harshly from behind, her head being snapped back and her mouth covered by cool, strong hands. Juuzou went still, her eyes wide.   
"Well, it's nice to know you're not a screamer... You smell so good!" The ghouls low voice cooed into her ear, his head buried in her shoulder. He let go of her mouth when he saw she wasn't resisting. She could see the other two now, their twin grins dirty and perverted. They saw her as a weak little creature, a meal they wouldn't have to work for. Juuzou used her free hand to reach back, her fingers curling around the handle of one of her blades.   
"We're gonna have some fun tonight, and you're officially invited." One sneered, grabbing her by the chin and forcing her to look at him. She smiled, feeling the familiar warmth develop deep in her stomach as she readied herself to fight.   
"Thanks, but I've really got to get back to work." As with that, she struck.   
•••  
She loomed over what remained of the last ghoul, the pitiful speck of life still trying to crawl away. She had cut off a leg and an arm, yet he still fought her. She assumed he was weak, as she had yet to see his kagune, but that wasn't a problem for her. She wasn't in this for the fun, she just wanted it over with.   
"I-I'm s-sorry, forgive-" she stabbed a blade into his back, causing a sickening squelch.   
"Eh? But you were the one to come to me, weren't you?" She cooed, smiling sweetly. The ghoul whimpered, his deep set eyes full of pain and fear. She didn't understand either, but she loved them dearly.   
"I'm so sorry... Really. So please..." She shook her head, skipping over a severed arm.   
"So how about we even the scout a little?" She took hold of his face with bloody hands, forcing him to look up at her angelic face.   
"Huh..." He gulped, frozen.   
"Now then, shall we play a game of 'chef'?" She moved lightning data, forcing her fingers into his nostrils and pulling his head back, standing behind him.   
"I'll be the chef-" She took the blade and held it to his throat, forcing him to look her in the eye as she did. She winked as she pushed down, breaking the skin like butter. "And you're the pig."   
Blood burst from his throat, signalling her to drop him. She let the body fall to the floor, watching as it twitched and gasped as the life literally drained out of it. She sighed, looking around. She wouldn't bother calling the police for this one. This was a nasty area, and fighting between ghouls wasn't uncommon. She didn't want to spend the rest of her evening being interrogated, especially after last night. So, tucking her blade into it holster, she skipped out of the alley and headed back to the CCG main building. Mr.Shinohara would be wondering where she was, after being gone so long. She was still hungry, too... Maybe the canteen would be open still.   
She was too busy daydreaming to notice the police car drove slowly past her, and only took note of it when it pulled up beside her. A young man climbed out of the passenger seat, walking towards her briskly.   
"Are you alright?" He demanded, blocking her way. Juuzou frowned, looking down at herself. She sighed when she did. She was covered head to toe in blood, her white shirt spattered with blocks of red.   
"It's not mine." She said before she realised how that sounded. The officer reacted very quickly for one so young. She was in the back of the cruiser with a pair of handcuffs and no blades in about a minute flat, her eyes wide.   
"I'm a ghoul investigator!" She attempted, looking to the elder officer sat behind the wheel. He paused, looking back at her.   
"Do you have your identification card with you?" He sounded bored and honestly like anything she said he had an argument for. Juuzou decided then that she didn't like him.   
"No, but if you call my mentor he'll vouch for me." She knew he had a meeting, but this wasn't exactly a routine situation. Juuzou watched the men scoff, frowning.   
"We'll see." The elder rolled his eyes, encouraging the younger to do the same. Juuzou bit back her reply, deciding she would play this out.   
At the station, they sat her in the main office, handing her a pack of wipes and some water. She cleaned herself up the best she could, checking herself over for injuries. A few bruises, nothing major. She chatted away aimlessly, her words as meaningless as the younger officers attempt at a beard. She managed to convince them to give her given number a go, picking up the phone and rolling their eyes again. Juuzou watched in patient silence as the elder officer spoke.   
"If I'm right, you have to apologise." She insisted, crossing her arms.   
"Yeah, yeah, whatever." He waved her off, listening to the ring. Someone must have answered, because he started speaking.   
"Hello, this is officer Tsumi, I have a young... You're a boy, right?" He looked to her, but she just shrugged. "Uh, we have a young person claiming to be your underling... Do you know someone by the name of Juuzou Suzuya? You do. And is that person indeed your underling? Right. Stitches on the arm? Yep, leads of them." He looked surprised, but didn't hesitate to ask his next question.   
"So, would you be able to come and collect him... Her? Alright, thank you." He hung up, rubbing his chin in slow, deliberate movements.   
"Well, I guess your boss is coming to get you." He told her, seating himself in his own seat. Juuzou leant back, grinning smugly.   
"See, now you have to apologise!" She insisted, playing with the lever on her seat. The officer chuckled, shaking his head.   
"Oh, not until I see this guy in the flesh. I still don't believe you're an investigator. Not on my life." He laughed, closing his eyes and relaxing. Juuzou scowled, turning her back to him.   
It was about ten minutes later that Juuzou spoke again.   
"Please apologise unconditionally." She kicked up a leg, inspecting her comfortable slippers.   
"Because I told you from the beginning. Didn't I say it absolutely?" She was trying to annoy him, and she could see it working. The small man stood, leaning over her.   
"Alright, I get it already. I had to find out weather it was a lie or not." He grumbled, his sharp tone bordering on a shout. He she was very good at annoying people.   
"Jeez," She sat up more in her chair, perching on the edge. "It was only that I didn't have my investigator's identification card on me, you know? Even I am working for the sake of this country, right? Do you understand, I even hold tightly to a blade and..."   
"I said I got it already! Damn, you're noisy." He glared at the girl, his teeth bared.   
"I'm..." Mr.Shinohara code that moment to walk in, holding out his investigators ID card with an awkward smile. This time, however, he wasn't alone.   
A tall man in a white investigators jacket trailed behind him. He was attractive, with short dark hair and a youthful face. He was clean shaven and wore his suit as neatly as a model. Juuzou had never seen him before.   
"I'm Shinohara from the phone call earlier. I came to meet and take care of... Her." He nodded to Juuzou who grinned up at him.   
"Oh, he actually came..." The officer tipped his hat, sweating. Juuzou nodded, pouting smugly at him.   
"I told you that all along." She sang, batting her eyelashes.   
"Well, I'm sorry but I couldn't imagine... Her... Being part of the CCG." The officer shrugged, assessing Mr.Shinohara. He nodded, ever professional.   
"Nah, your judgement wasn't wrong. You should definitely question someone like this." He was pulling out all the stops, winking at the officer in a confidential way, like they were comrades. Juuzou whined.   
"That's true... He had a knife covered in blood too. And on top of that... She just told me 'I'm a ghoul investigator'." He rolled his eyes, as he had done countless times throughout the night.   
"Speaking of that... My work tool is too small, so I can't carry it around well! Don't I always say that too, jeez." She moaned, shooting her mentor a pleading look. Considering how angry she had started the day being, she was much more friendly now. Mr.Shinohara sighed.   
"More importantly, what where you doing, where were you?" He demanded, placing a hand on her head. She jumped at the contact.   
"What?"   
The other investigator watched in horrified awe from the corner as Juuzou made her excuses and Shinohara questioned them. He couldn't look away from the ball of colour that was Juuzou Suzuya. She was loud and childish, but there was something strangely old about her.   
The officer eased himself into a chair, muttering under his breath.   
"Man oh man..."   
Juuzou's wide red eyes narrowed and she leaned over the officer, a deadly, icy cold smirk staining her lips.   
"There's no 'man oh man'." She hissed, her lips pulling back violently revealing her teeth with each word.   
"Hey, I turned out to be a real investigator, didn't I? You made a promise to me, didn't you? Please apologise." There was something deeply wrong with the way she smiled at the officer after she demanded her apology, and it was just getting worse.   
"Well... I was wrong, but don't you think you are also at fault here? Aren't you a little misleading?" It would have been insulting to the most sane of people, but the words would be much worse for Juuzou. They would be an excuse. Sadly, the man wasn't down yet.   
"If you're a citizen of this country then shouldn't you behave a little more suitably?"   
Mr.Shinohara tried desperately to decrease the suddenly mounting tension, his smile forced and full of worry.   
"Um... I've already said all of that to her... So you should probably not go any further." He warned, but it was too late. Juuzou was positively secreting anger.   
Before either investigator knew what was happening, Juuzou had her tongue in the officers ear. He made a sound between confused and disgusted at first, then he started screaming.   
Juuzou had latched on, her eyes closed in concentration. Mr.Shinohara slapped a hand over one eye, too transfixed to really look away. His forces smile had finally faded into a look of resigned horror. Juuzou pulled back from the screaming man and spat something bloody at the floor, unfazed.   
"As I though, your ears seem to be useless." She wiped her mouth, standing with a cocked hip. "They're rotten."   
With one foot she stepped out and crushed the mass of bloody whatever she had pulled from the officer, hands behind her back.   
"This is also no good, I'll dispose of it!" There was a soft cracking sound.   
Mr.Shinohara finally cut in, pulling her away and hissing into her ear.   
"You, come over here! You intend to make me fill out another compensation form?" She struggled, but didn't manage to look guilty.   
"Ouch, that hurts Mr.Shinohara!" She looked fine, so she was clearly just saying it.   
Amon was horrified, unable to tear his gaze away from the scene. How had someone like that made it into the CCG? Were they taking anyone these days?   
Suddenly, Juuzou was stood before him, a smile on her face. She looked very proud of herself, despite the drops of blood at the corner of her mouth.   
"Are you Mr.Amon?" She asked, waiting for him to respond. He managed a small nod in reply.   
"I'm Mr.Shinohara underling, Suzuya." She saluted him, a huge smile taking over her face. Amon took a step back. This girl was insane...   
"It's nice to meet you."   
Was it? He couldn't help but be glad about that. He was a trained ghoul investigator, yet he wouldn't rush into a fight with this psycho... She was clearly not right in the head.  
"Oh my, you're big, aren't you... That must be great." And like that, Juuzou had decided she wanted a new friend.   
•••  
The part Juuzou had ripped from the officer had been the bone of his ear, and by stepping on them, she had destroyed them beyond repair. It would be a long and painful insurance hearing, but she wouldn't have to go, so she didn't care. According to Mr.Shinohara, the look on her face had been something not-quite human. That hadn't bothered her at first but after a night to think it over... It was an uncomfortable thought. With so much time spent with the ghouls, how else was she supposed to behave? You wouldn't expect a wolf to act like a lap dog, would you? She was raised by the predators and expected to be prey. It wasn't as simple as it looked.   
She had wanted to make up for her mistake by arriving for the meeting especially early, and had arrived at six am. The meeting was at eight. By the time Amon came through the large wooden door, Juuzou had started on her many hidden bags of sweets and had finished off a full can of energy drink. She was positively bouncing in her seat as she regarded the new arrival happily.   
"Good morning!" She sang, grinning from ear to ear. Another thing Mr.Shinohara had told her was that she could be quite threatening, and that she shouldn't do that if she wanted to make friends. So, she was trying to be as unthreatening as possible.   
"Your greeting is... Good, Suzuya." Amon told her awkwardly, unsure of what to make of the girl before him. She was dressed just as strangely as the previous night, sans the bloodstains.   
"I was the first to arrive." She stated, popping a sweet into her mouth and pretty much swallowing it whole.   
"What's with your clothes? You're so slovenly." Amon looked her up and down, his dark eyes narrowed. Juuzou looked down at herself, puzzled. Had she gotten dirty? She hadn't been anywhere messy.  
"Huh? Is there something wrong with my clothes somewhere, rank one Amon?" She twisted to look at the back of her.   
"It's be harder for me to find anything right! Button your shirt up to the very top, and where is your tie? And put on some pants that go all the way to your ankles. And also, don't eat in the meeting room!" Amon pointed at her, his voice rising an octave. Juuzou stared, wide eyed. Was she in trouble? What had she done? She had been early, and Mr.Shinohara let her eat at work... The doctors had told her to try to put on weight, and with all the running around she did, well, it wasn't easy. So why was Amon so angry with her?   
Juuzou sat back in her seat, watching him wearily.   
"Besides that," he sighed, seeing the instant show of submission she had unwittingly shown him. She had backed down immediately, and not argued as she normally would have. "I've been wondering, what are those stitch marks? Now that I've looked at them, they don't seem to be for closing up any wounds."   
Juuzou grinned. She was tempted to show him the still healing wound on her side, but chose not to. It wasn't a normal thing a teenage girl would do, and that was what she was meant to be. A happy, healthy teenage girl.   
"You mean this?" She held out her arm, showing off the beautifully styled red thread she had put there. Amon nodded. "It's called body stitch. I learned it from a friend, she's a body modification aficionado." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a clean needle and a thread, holding them up for him to see.   
"It starts to bulge a little bit under water though... Shall I show you how it's done?" She showed him her wrist as she threaded the needle through, narrating as she did.   
"Look, it goes like this. You should only use a sterilised needle though!" She looked up to see his horrified expression, his eyes focused on her wrist.   
"S-stop!" Amon gasped, sickened. Who in the hell willingly stabbed themselves with a needle? It was insane!   
"It can be so pretty with all the different colours... Look, it's a flower!" She held out her wrist, showing off the small flower she had stitched. He swallowed hard, unable to look away.   
"Ok, well I'm not feeling it, so I'll take it out." She grinned as she snipped away the thread, pulling it away.   
Amon was silent, far away in his own mind. Juuzou smiled to herself, relaxing into her chair and humming to herself.   
"Good morning." Seidou entered the room, his usual grumpy persona snapping into place as soon as his gaze landed on Juuzou.   
"Juuzou, put away that candy, this is the meeting room!" He ordered, scowling down at the woman across from him. Juuzou had never actually told Seidou that she was female, but she had hinted. He probably just thought she was a gay male, or at the least incredibly flamboyant and flirtatious.   
Juuzou ignored his warning, opening another sweet and putting it to her mouth. He grabbed the sweet out of her hand, demanding her attention.   
"Gonna ignore me, huh?" He fumed, looming over her. "You're younger than me, aren't you?"   
Juuzou had had enough of stupid boys yelling in her face, so with very little thought, she punched Seidou in the nose. The man reeled back, holding his injured face with one hand while steadying himself with the other. Amon paused in his thoughts to stare at his fellow investigators. When he saw the state they were in, he sighed.   
When Mr.Shinohara arrived, the meeting began. It wasn't too bad, Juuzou managing to speak up and actually show she wasn't a total idiot a few times. It was decided that the Binge Eater case would be left in the hands of Mr.Shinohara and herself, and Mr.Shinohara promised that if Juuzou managed to kill the Binge Eater she could have a proper Quinque. They all left the meeting room, Juuzou skipping slightly behind the two senior investigators. She didn't care what they were talking about, it wasn't her problem. Instead, she imagined herself wielding her new weapon, feeling the power it contained. She would kill the Binge Eater, and she would get her Quinque, there was no question about it.   
Mr.Shinohara waved goodbye to the rest of their company, pausing to wait for her. She nearly bumped into him she was so deep in though, but she caught herself just in time.   
"Right, Juuzou... We've got some work to do, but we should be able to leave early tonight." He smiled down at her, leading the way to their office. Juuzou grinned, clapping her hands happily.   
"Woohoo! I really wasn't feeling an all nighter." She followed her superior into the room they shared, hopping onto her seat and bringing her knees up to her chest. Mr.Shinohara watched her fondly, sliding into his own seat gracefully. They each had a simple wooden desk, though his was considerably fuller than hers. The main spectacle on hers was a sketch she had been working on a few days ago. It was a parrot. Birds were relatively new to Juuzou. Though mama had taught her about the basic animals, she hadn't really expanded. She'd had the animal alphabet, but most animals were still new to her. The P on her alphabet had been a polar bear, not a parrot or penguin. She still wasn't used to how many species there really were.   
"Oh, by the way, what did you do to Amon? He seemed slightly sickened when I arrived." Mr.Shinohara asked, seemingly amused. Juuzou shrugged, suddenly reminded of the newest set of holes in her skin. She giggled to herself quietly.   
"He asked about my body stitches, so I showed him... I don't think it's his thing." Mr.Shinohara chuckled, shaking his head.   
"No, I wouldn't think so... Well, just do what makes you happy, Juuzou." He shot her a smile before getting on with his work.   
Juuzou finished a small pile of paperwork she had been putting off while watching in amazement as Mr.Shinohara completed more than three times that amount. He worked like a machine, it was insane. When he finally looked up from his desk, Juuzou was staring at him, mouth open, head tilted.   
"Are you alright, Juuzou?" He asked, concern filling his dark eyes. Juuzou shook her head, fighting herself.   
"I'm fine! Can we go home yet?" She had already made up her mind on going out. She had two days off to enjoy, and she was starting as soon as possible.   
Mr.Shinohara sighed, nodding his head.   
"Yes, you may go... Please behave yourself though! We don't need another incident." Juuzou beamed at him as she grabbed her things and headed for the door, giving him a two finger salute.   
"Will do, Mr.Shinohara!" She promised, skipping out of the room.   
Juuzou had set herself a goal, so there would be no time for messing around. The natural occurrence of sex had been brought to her attention, or namely, how she wasn't having it. She was surprised to have made it all the way through a meeting with Seidou without him bringing up her lack of a sex life, or experience. So she had decided to throw it in his face. She would go out and, as he so graciously put it, 'get it on' with someone. Leaving the CCG building, Juuzou focused, revising her perfectly thought out plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long! Please feel free to leave any feedback!   
> Thanks!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

It had taken a while, but she was ready. It was times like this that Juuzou found herself increasingly glad for her mama's obsession with attractive things, and could honestly say she was at an advantage. She knew what made her look good. She knew how to accentuate her body type and be as attractive as possible. All it took to transform her into a alluring young woman was the right collaboration of makeup and the right combination of clothes. She had gone for a particularly short black dress, a light jacket and a pair of heeled ankle boots. She had applied dark eyeshadow to make her ruby eyes pop, and a dark red lipstick. She looked totally different from when she had first left the house that day.   
Her hair was straightened, though she couldn't do much about its naturally messy nature. She let her fringe fall in her face slightly as she put a pair of small silver studs in her ears, not bothering with her usual clips. She grinned to herself before pocketing her keys and some cash and slamming the door behind her.   
Little Miss.Katchi was just making her way up the stairs, a bag of food tucked under her arm. She gasped when she saw her young neighbour locking the door behind her, her small hand flying to her heart.   
"My dear, what are you wearing?" She gasped, coming to stand before the girl. Though she had a good fifty or so years on her, Miss.Katchi was much smaller than Juuzou, her head of greying brown curls barely reaching her chin. Juuzou smiled sweetly, turning to face the woman properly.   
"Hiya Miss.Katchi! Need any help with that?" She had enough time, it wasn't exactly late yet. Besides, the little old woman was always nice to her. She swatted away Juuzou's hands, though not aggressively. She shuffled past her, knowing she wouldn't dare leave before being dismissed.   
"Answer my question, girlie! What are you wearing?" Juuzou rubbed the back of her neck, her fingers brushing the chain of the necklace she wore.   
"I'm going out... It's an experiment." She wasn't completely lying. To Juuzou, it really was an experiment. She wanted to know what sex was like, and she was going to find out. She watched as the elder woman tutted, rolling her eyes as she opened her door.   
"Yeah, I know what you kids get up to... Though you're an odd one, I'll grant you. I've never seen someone contradict themselves so many times in one day!" Juuzou looked down, scolded. She heard the woman sigh before her feet shuffled her over to the younger.   
"Just keep yourself safe, you hear me?" She patted her cheek affectionately before making her way into her apartment. Juuzou was dismissed. She hurried down the stairs and out onto the street. She quickly hailed a taxi and jumped in, asking him to take her to the closest club. It was a short drive, and she quickly paid before jumping out.   
The building was old, but not too shabby. The front sign was bright and eye-catching, and the bouncer that stood at the door clearly took no shit. She would have to be on her best behaviour.   
Inside, Juuzou wasn't sure where to go first. The club was crowded, the dance floor full of all kinds of people, swaying and twisting in time to the music. She surveyed the room, taking note of every exit and vantage point. It was with this information she headed to the bar. It was the closest place to the emergency exit, and if an emergency happened, well she was sure as hell gonna exit. She didn't want to spend another night in a cell, that was for sure. Besides, she knew full well that Miss.Katchi would be waiting up for her as late as she could, just so she could wake her up at some ungodly time tomorrow to chew her out.  
She ordered a drink, just a Coke, and settled into a seat, watching the groups forming in the crowd, picking out and placing the couples in the room. She was quite happy playing her game, sipping her drink and swaying to the music. She was only aware of time passing when a tall man with a seductive smile and blond hair came to stand in front of her.   
"Hi!" He had to yell to be heard over the music, which kind of ruined the sexy look he was going for. It just kinda make him look really eager. Juuzou smiled up at him regardless, batting her eyelashes.   
"Can I buy you a drink?" He slid into the space next to her, leaning against the bar. Juuzou giggled, nodding.   
"Sure!" She yelled back, crossing her legs and leaning forward. The guy winked, signalling the barman and ordering two drinks. She wasn't sure what they were, but they looked pretty basic when they arrived. Nothing too fancy, a nice and simple drink. He handed it to her carefully, and she made sure sip like a lady. It was vodka, she could tell that much.   
"What's your name?" He questioned, taking a sip of his own drink.   
"Rei." She wasn't sure why she said that name, but it happened automatically. She hadn't been Rei for a long time... Not since the academy. She was Juuzou now, so why would she say that?   
"That's a beautiful name! I'm Taichi... What's a lovely lady like yourself doing in a place like this?" He pulled her away from her own mind, demanding her attention. Juuzou made her cheeks blush, looking down to appear bashful. That's what mama had taught her boys liked... Cute, quiet, a proper lady.   
"Well, if I wasn't here I wouldn't have met you, would I?" She flirted. It was pretty easy from there. Taichi was putty in her hands, and was soon leaning closer and closer. Juuzou had snuck a few looks around the bar to see if there were any other guys that she would prefer, but none really caught her attention, and Taichi was already there. Around an hour later, after chatting about nothing, Taichi asked her the key question.   
"So... You wanna get out of here?" He smirked down at her, just as aware of what he was asking as she was. Juuzou finished her drink quickly and nodded, letting her lips pull into a small, innocent looking smile.   
"Sure, where to?"   
"My place?" Juuzou nodded again, allowing him to help her down from her stool. This would be so great to rub in Seidou's face on Monday!   
•••  
Sex was weird. From the second they got through the door of his apartment, Taichi was all over her. His kisses were all teeth and tongue, there was no real affection there. She knew it was a one night stand, she had planned it! But that didn't mean she felt better about it.   
He had lead her through to his small bedroom, laid her on the bed, then started to strip himself. Juuzou had dutifully followed his lead, not making a show, just getting it done. It was too dark and Taichi was too drunk to notice her scars, even when he kissed his way up her body. He was moving up her body, crawling between her legs. It was quick and sudden. One second he was looming over her, the next he was in her and thrusting like a frat boy. It felt OK, she guessed. It didn't hurt, and when he his certain parts it felt really good, but overall the whole thing was painfully unimpressive. She didn't get why Seidou was so obsessed with the act.   
After a few minutes of silence, filled only by Taichi's groans, he leant in and whispered in her ear.  
"You're on the pill or something, right?"   
"Something like that, yeah." How was he to know how damaged she was? All he saw was a pretty girl at a bar, not a grenade, ready to explode at any moment. He didn't know about Mama or the CCG, or even who she really was. It was realising this that made a heaviness build up in the pit of her stomach. She gasped as Taichi hit just the right spot, and started thrusting back at him, pushing him to hit that spot again. Taichi must have noticed the difference in her, and doubled his efforts.   
"I-I'm close-" he gasped, almost making her jump with the sudden exclamation. Juuzou bit her lip, pressing herself against him, her head falling back. Her own orgasm shocked her. She hadn't been prepared for the sudden burst of pleasure she felt. She whined, high in the back of her throat. Her orgasm triggered his, and she couldn't decide if she was grossed out by the feeling of him shooting out inside her. It was weird, and cooler than her own core temperature.   
"Oh my god..." Taichi rolled off of her, finally letting her breathe. She took deep, calming breaths. She wanted a shower, and to take her makeup off. She could feel it sitting on her skin, making her itch. She waited for Taichi to fall asleep, which didn't take long, before sliding carefully out of the bed and collecting her clothes in silence. It was dark, and she stumbled a few times, but she was soon dressed and checking herself in a small mirror that hang in the living room. Deeming herself presentable, Juuzou crept out the door and hurried away from the house. She still had plenty of money left, so she could have gotten a taxi, but she felt like she needed to walk. It wouldn't be too long, they were only in the second ward.   
She felt weird. Not bad, just... Weird. She wasn't sure why Seidou was so easily excited by such a mediocre activity. She knew much better ways to get a rush. Sure, it hadn't been too bad, but not amazing.   
She was just about to enter the first ward when she heard someone shouting.   
"Juuzou! I knew it was you!" Amon. Juuzou was surprised to see him, and even more so that it had been him calling her out. She stopped walking, letting the giant man catch up to her. She tried to smile, but she wasn't sure it looked right.   
"Are you alright? You don't look well..." He was wearing his work clothes still, so he was clearly on his way home. He must have been one of the last ones left, this late at night. It had to be at least one am, if not later. He looked down at her concerned.   
"I'm fine." She realised she had taken too long to reply, but she couldn't exactly change that now. Amon frowned, taking her by the arm gently and leading her over to a public bench. He lowered her down and then perched beside her, inspecting her pale face. She looked back, unsure of what he expected her to say. They weren't at work, so it would be weird to talk about ghouls and stuff, right? And she was sure Amon didn't really like her either, so what was there to say.   
"Where have you been, Juuzou? It's very late." He told her, sounding like a concerned parent, not her peer. Juuzou sighed, running a hand trough her hair. Amon watched her every move.   
"Special investigator Amon-"   
"Please, call me Amon. We're not at work." He interrupted. She nodded, showing she understood.   
"Amon," she corrected. "I am nineteen years old. I'm independent, and if I want to go out late at night, I can."   
She wasn't trying to be rude, she really wasn't. But she was tired and a bit sore, and she had been drinking all night... She wasn't in the mood to be coddled by a man who obviously disliked her.   
"I know that, Juuzou. But you're still young. You shouldn't be all alone. What about your friend you mentioned, the one who taught you..." He pointed to the stitching around her fingers, poking out of her jacket. Juuzou snorted, shaking her head.   
"She lives in the seventeenth ward. And has a three year old. She's not coming all the way here just for me, trust me." That, and Naomi was hiding out at the moment. She had spent the last four years being beaten down by some punk she claimed to love, and finally she had kicked him out. She'd been hiding out at her parents ever since. She still hadn't told Miya why her daddy wasn't coming back.   
"Oh... Well, I assumed she would be your age." He explained needlessly. Juuzou frowned. The scary thing was, she was younger. Naomi was eighteen. She'd had a baby by the age of fifteen, and had done her best to be a good mother. Her parents had been judged harshly by their neighbours and friends, so Naomi had moved out, getting a small apartment with her baby daddy.   
"Look, Amon, I don't mean to be rude, but I've had a long night, and all I want to do is go home and sleep." She changed the subject smoothly, using her stitched hand to push her hair out of her face. Amon scoffed, his brow creasing.   
"Do you think I'm going to leave you all alone out here? And before you say I'm just being an overbearing misogynist, I'm not. Do you know what Shinohara will do to me if he finds out I left you? I won't make it to the end of the week, that's for sure. So sorry, you're stuck with me." He looked pretty smug, but she was too tired to care. Juuzou sighed, rubbing her temples in frustration.   
"Alright, fine! But I'm going now." She stood up, uncomfortably aware of the odd feeling between her legs. She managed to stop herself stumbling as she readjusted to standing, moving slowly.   
Amon followed her, keeping up easily. He was silent for a good ten minutes before he finally spoke up.   
"Are you hurt? You're walking like you're in pain." He didn't move to stop her, just kept his eyes on her. Juuzou felt herself sag, giving up. She just wanted to sleep! Was that too much to ask? She didn't want this giant following her home, or to be forced to converse with him. She wanted him to go away and leave her alone. She could be cheerful, quirky Juuzou in the morning.   
"Juuzou?" He prompted when he recorded no answer. Juuzou wasn't the type to get embarrassed. The only thing that she had found bothered her were the scars that covered at least half of her body, and the invasive nature of hospitals. So, she hardly hesitated when snapping her reply.   
"I don't feel pain like you do, Amon... Why would a normal person have been out, walking home alone at this time of night?"   
Amon's cheeks quickly became a deep red, his eyes wide. He couldn't seem to make the idea sit in his mind, borderline amazed. She had had a one night stand. Juuzou Suzuya had had sex.   
"O-oh! I, um... I don't know what to say." He admitted, flushed. Juuzou rolled her eyes, ignoring him.   
"Are- are you... Do you do this often?" He seemed to settle on a question after a moment of stuttering, though he seemed to regret it almost immediately.   
"No, Amon. I'm not a whore. I was curious, and now I'm not. You don't need to act like it's such an alien concept, Seidou talks about it all the time." She sidestepped a crack in the pavement, her elegant movements suddenly forcing Amon to see her as she was.   
Juuzou was an attractive young woman. Looking her up and down, despite the sleepy frown currently taking up the lover half of her face, Amon could see the delicate slopes of her hips, the small swell of her chest. She looked like a china doll, and he could see where others would find the appeal. It was strange, seeing this side of Juuzou. She was usually buried under baggy clothes and a crazed smile, not sashaying in heels and a particularly fitted dress.   
"I wasn't saying... You didn't do this just out of curiosity, did you?" He didn't want to believe it, but with the look she shot him, he could tell that was the truth.   
"Why wouldn't you just ask?"   
"Sometimes, it's better to learn things for yourself. Now I know, and I won't have to spend any time wondering." She doubted she would regret it. Yeah, it wasn't exactly romantic, but it pretty much summed up the rest of her life. It was quick and hard, and she ultimately got what she aimed for.   
"Juuzou... I don't like the idea of you being out here all alone. I don't think you understa-"   
"Don't tell me I don't understand." She warned, scowling. Amon stopped, eyes wide.   
"I am not a stupid little girl, Amon. I was raised like a ghoul, by a ghoul. I know all to well how dangerous this world can be. Don't underestimate me. And you'd do well to remember that plenty of humans out there are just as bad, if not worse than the ghouls. Most ghouls kill to eat and protect themselves, humans kill for other reasons entirely." Some of the worst treatment she had received in her life had been at the hand of humans. It wasn't the ghouls who were calling her names or telling her she was wrong. Physical abuse was sometimes better, especially when you couldn't truly process pain.   
"That's true... But that doesn't mean you're untouchable. You're still human, just like me and the rest of the CCG."   
Juuzou laughed, shaking her head. She had a wonderful laugh, really. It wasn't exactly rare, but it was bright and immediate. He liked it.   
"I'm the most dangerous human you will meet, maybe besides Arima. But I guess I'm still worse. I don't have the same brain, I'm told." She paused, pointing to her head. Her tone changed, mimicking Shinohara.   
"Juuzou, you just don't understand! Humans are not ghouls, you can't attack them!"   
"Well, that's not exactly wrong..."   
"What would you be without your weapon, Amon? Would you still be considered a hazard?" She wasn't sure why she asked. It wasn't like the question related to the subject. But the words left her mouth none the less. Amon was quiet for a moment, considering.   
"No, I don't believe I would be. I'm not considered naturally violent. Even with a weapon, I use it very carefully. I only attack when I must." His reply was well put, and exactly what she had been expecting. She met his gaze squarely.   
"Well, I am. I don't need a weapon to cause pain, or even a reason. I'm crazy. My brain doesn't work right, and I know it. I don't understand feelings or anything like that. Everything I do or say is evaluated, and every day I am one step closer to being put down. Do you honestly think they can afford to keep someone like me long-term?" Speech over, she focused once more on where she was going. Juuzou knew he was thinking over everything she had said, making connections in his mind. They weren't far from her home now, so she had sped up slightly.   
"I don't think you're a hazard." He uttered. His voice was only just more than a whisper, but she caught it. She could see her building, so she dug in her pocket for her keys.   
"You should. Just because I don't like it doesn't mean they're wrong. I'm a monster, and it's only a matter of time until they see how deep that goes." She smiled, attempting to lighten the mood. They had reached the front door of her building, and the pair had paused. "So I'll just have to enjoy as much as I can until then, won't I?"   
Amon seemed shocked, but he nodded none the less. Juuzou hesitated before placing one of her small hands on his arm, smiling gently.   
"You're a good man, Amon. Look after yourself."   
With one last smile, she opened the door, waving tiredly over her shoulder. Amon watched as she climbed up the steps slowly, dragging her feet. He waited a moment before turning and heading for the street. It was about time he got himself home, after all. He wasn't sure of what to make of Juuzou Suzuya. She was so much to take in, he wasn't sure how to feel about her.   
Inside the building, Juuzou crashed into her apartment, ignoring the various objects in her way as she stumbled to her bed. She collapsed face down, fully dressed. She was asleep in seconds.


	6. Chapter 6

Tokyo Ghoul

Chapter 6  
Mr.Shinohara showed up at Juuzou's apartment early the next morning. He had knocked on her door lightly at first, but the hits became progressively louder the longer he waited. Juuzou had to force herself from her bed, her feet dragging along the floor as she yawned and stretched. Last night had been tiring, and she was supposed to have today off. When she opened the door to find Mr.Shinohara there, her heart sank.   
"Oh, come on! It's my day off!" She complained loudly, leaning against the doorframe. Mr.Shinohara gave her a sympathetic look, but said nothing. He was shocked to see her in such a state. Her hair was a mess, her face smeared with last nights makeup. She still wore the dress, but her shoes were gone, as was the jacket. She was wrinkled and sleepy, and totally not in the mood.   
"Some ghoul remains have been found, we have to go and check them out... Sorry." He watched as she shuffled back into the room, her hand running along the wall for balance. She paused at the corner, looking back over her shoulder, frowning.   
"You can come in, I'm not gonna be ready for a while... You're not a vampire, are you?" She was joking, but there was a clear order in her words. Mr.Shinohara nodded awkwardly, ducking through the small apartment doorway to stand in the kitchen.   
"What have you been up to, Juuzou?" He couldn't help but ask, his gaze shuffling along the ruins of the apartment. It was fair to say Juuzou had made quite a mess while making her way in last night. She had planned to sleep off her hangover before cleaning up. Sadly, that plan was no longer an option.   
"Nothing too illegal, don't worry... You won't be getting a phone call." She assured him, pulling a carton of orange juice out of the fridge and taking a few much needed gulps.   
"You look like hell." He added helpfully. Shinohara could tell she had been drinking. He knew first hand how susceptible Juuzou was to such substances, and was now finding humour in her pains. Served her right for drinking in the first place! She should be looking after herself.   
"I'm aware." Juuzou groaned, rubbing her eyes and frowning when her hand came back smudged by eyeliner. She sighed, dropping the juice back into the fridge before turning to her partner.   
"Look, I'll shower and get ready as quickly as possible, so until then... Make yourself at home, I guess." Mr.Shinohara nodded, his dark eyes still glowing with humour. He watched as Juuzou stumbled around the corner and into the bathroom, holding onto his laughter. He would save this moment for future teasing, he was sure of that.   
Juuzou was ready to go in half an hour. Her hair was still damp, and there were a few buttons done up wrong on her shirt, but other than that she was the same as always. She managed a small smile as they made their way to the crime scene, nodding along to the music of the stereo. Mr.Shinohara had been dropped off by a colleague who had been kind enough to wait for them. Honestly, he was heading to the same place, and would be there for most of the day, so he wasn't really losing out.   
Juuzou instantly recognised the crime scene. It had been a few days, but this was the exact place she had killed those ghouls... Oh, shit! She felt herself shrink into her seat as they rounded the corner, the car coming to a stop.   
'Don't say a word, Juuzou! They don't know it was you!' Her mind hissed. Juuzou steeled herself, hopping out of the car as the driver and Mr.Shinohara did the same. Mr.Shinohara spoke quietly with a few of the officers before making his way over to the beaten old tarp they had used to cover the remains. Juuzou didn't need to see it again. She knew how badly destroyed they were, how impossibly small some of the boys were. Mama would have said it was some of her best work, but now the fear of being caught made her feel more sick than proud.   
"Juuzou?" Mr.Shinohara called as he peered into the darkness under the tarp, his voice no different than before. Juuzou swallowed hard before answering.   
"Yeah?"   
"Come over here for a minute." He requested. He probably just wanted her opinion on how many corpses there where, considering the third head was pretty well buried by other parts, but Juuzou felt her knees lock. She shook her head, forcibly crossing her arms grumpily.   
"Eh? No way!" She cried, turning her back. She pretended to cover her nose, as if either of them would believe that the smell of slightly aged corpses were even close to the worst thing she had smelt. Mr.Shinohara sighed, lowering the tarp once more and coming to stand beside her, brushing off his hands on his trousers. Juuzou looked up at him curiously.   
"The ghouls bodies that have been found have been dismembered into at least two hindered separate parts. From what I saw of the points of superstation, I would say whoever did this was incredibly skilled with their weapon. As in, they use it regularly." He shot her a meaningful look, his head and tone lowering in sync. "Juuzou, it was you, wasn't it?"   
Juuzou felt her stomach drop. She had been caught. She felt like slapping herself. She should have hidden the bodies, or destroyed them even! But no, she had been too cocky. She had assumed they would pin it as ghoul on ghoul violence!   
"Y-you knew?" She asked quietly, avoiding eye contact. Mr.Shinohara sighed, leading her away from the crime scene.   
"Juuzou, I am painfully familiar with your handiwork. I have seen enough of it in the past to make me sick. I don't think I would have the right to claim to be your partner if I didn't know what your work looks like." Juuzou felt her cheeks warm up, a slight blush spreading. She wasn't sure if she should be flattered or insulted. He had said her work sickened him, but he had also made a point of looking at her technique. Mr.Shinohara had by this point moved onto a speech about how it was wrong to cause unnecessary pain for the ghouls, and Juuzou was only half listening. It was only the final thing he said that caught her attention.   
"No matter how much you want a quinque, you'll never get one if you keep tearing the ghouls apart." He stated, peering down at her, his dark eyes chastening.   
"What?" Juuzou cried, spinning around to face him fully, her neck bent back to look him in the eye. "Are you serious?"   
He sighed, nodding his head slowly.   
"Yeah, I am." 

 

The conversation that followed them leaving the crime scene had been a long one. Mr.Shinohara had gone into detail explaining the ghouls anatomy, leaving Juuzou even more tired than before. Ghouls were both a mentally and physically draining topic, and both of the investigators were ready to be rid of the subject.   
"You still don't understand?" Mr.Shinohara asked after a small pause, staring woefully down at his partner. Juuzou shook her head quickly, her brows creased.   
"No, no! It's not that. I was just wondering... Why do ghouls have a certain type of ghoul they are a good match for if they're all the same species? Isn't that kind of strange?" She knew ghouls were lethal. Though it was rare, it was not unheard of for ghouls to battle during her shows. She had always pitted the victors win down to being more skilled or stronger, but thanks to Mr.Shinohara's explanation, she could now see there was more to it than that. Their kagunes were built to destroy each other.   
"That's simple too." He started, staring out onto the city skyline, looking weirdly like the protagonist on some crappy cop show. "The kagune are the weapons used to win 'turf wars'."   
He paused, maybe to gather his words, or maybe for dramatic effect. Either way, he had Juuzou's attention.   
"Those guys are made to kill... Even each other." 

 

Juuzou fell into bed once again, cocooning herself in her sheets. She remembered small bits of her childhood before Big Mama chose her, not real memories, but small snippets, like photographs. One of the more prominent images was of her building a pillow fort out of her baby pink bed covers.   
She was very detached from her pre-ghoul childhood. Though most would have clung to the random flickers of information, constantly wondering what could have been, Juuzou wasn't like that. She didn't care what could have been, and there was no point in wishing for a reality she had never even seen. Mama had changed her life, for better or worse, and there was no way to change it back.   
She was just dropping off when there was a quiet knock at her door. Not her bedroom door, she realised when her head flew off the pillow, finding she had left the passage open, but her front door. Juuzou nearly screamed. All she wanted to do was curl up and die for a few hours, sleep off her heavy night, and move on.   
The unwanted guest knocked again, and Juuzou finally flipped herself out of her bed, flinging the covers back with unnecessary force. Mr.Shinohara had only just dropped her home! Why couldn't they come back tomorrow? She stormed through the apartment, kicking random articles of clothing or entertainment out of her way. She pulled the door open without checking who it was first, knowing full well her knives were scattered around the room.   
She wasn't expecting to see Amon. He towered over her, his hand sheepishly rubbing the back of his head. He gave her a small smile in an almost apologetic way.   
"Mr.Amon, why are you..."   
"Sorry to disturb you, Juuzou, I just wanted to make sure you were alright. You didn't get home until very late last night." He said it like she wasn't aware. Like she couldn't feel every hour of lost sleep like a block of cement, weighing her down. She knew he was only trying to be nice, but nice wasn't what she needed right now. What she needed was to curl up in her bed and pretend tomorrow was a year away.   
"I'm fine, Amon. I'm not some silly little girl, I can look after myself." She wasn't trying to be rude, really. She actually quite liked Amon, even when he was forcing her to stay awake. The large man seemed to realise what he had said before shaking his head and frowning at himself slightly.   
"I didn't mean to say you were... I'm sorry, Juuzou, I sometimes have trouble remembering you don't actually need looking after." She could tell his apology was sincere. Reluctantly, Juuzou turned, opening up her doorway, a wordless invitation.   
"Do you want a drink? I've got a couple juice pouches in the fridge..." Amon smiles awkwardly and nodded. Juuzou pulled two strawberry juice pouches from the fridge and handed one to the giant man beside her, then took at seat at the table. Amon followed her lead and sat opposite her, his large frame fitting just barely into the childish furniture. He looked around in what appeared to be wonder, his dark eyes taking over the walls as though he was trying to absorb every minuscule detail.   
"Did you paint this?" He asked, nodding to the walls. Juuzou managed a small smile, her head bowed as she poked her straw through the juice pouches opening.   
"Yes. I didn't like the walls plain, so I decorated. Mr.Shinohara said I could when I first moved in... I add things here and there, but I haven't touched it in a while." She explained, taking a sip.   
Amon pulled the tiny straw from the pouch and attempted to stab it through, but his large hands were too big for something so small. Juuzou sighed, taking it from him and completing the task with a flourish.   
The sat in silence for a moment, Juuzou staring blatantly at the man opposite her. It was almost too funny. Amon was so straight laced at work, she would have never imagined him like this, perched on the edge of one of her tiny chairs, sipping on a strawberry juice pouch. Finally, Amon broke the silence.   
"You're a lot different outside of work." He stated, placing the pouch on the table. Juuzou raised a fair brow, her tired eyes quizzical.   
"What do you mean?"   
"Well," he started, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. "You're not as... Hyper? You're a lot mellower when you're not in uniform. Well, not that you wear uniform-"   
"The last two times you've seen me, I've not exactly been at my best, Amon. Last night I was drunk and on my way home from a one night stand, and tonight I'm hungover." She grinned ruefully, shaking her head at herself. Realising this conversation wasn't going to be short, she decided to get comfortable, resting her elbows on the table and placing her head on her hand. Amon chuckled, his head bobbing.   
"True, but I've seen you in a much worse off state than this, and you've still had the stamina to take on the world. It's almost admirable." Juuzou pointed to her arm, her finger just brushing one of the many scars she would have to live with.   
"I guess it comes down to how I was raised. Did you know over forty percent of my body is scarred tissue? I'm a medical mystery! When the doctors found out what I was up to, and what I was put through physically, they said it should have been closer to seventy. I heal quickly. Well, that and the fact I can't process pain..."   
"You can't process pain?" Amon's brows had knitted together in a deep frown, the corners of his mouth turning down. Juuzou shrugged, taking another sip of her juice.   
"Not really. I'm not numb, I just process it differently. It's a conditioning thing, or at least that's what they told me. That why I can do my body stitch, and why I fight so well. Most people couldn't take more than a few punches from a ghoul, but not me!" Amon had the expression of a man torn between wonder and horror. It was a look Juuzou was more than used to.   
"Guess I'm just fucked up." She sighed, chuckling ruefully. Amon seemed to shake off his stupor and jumped to deny her words.   
"Hey, I was raised in an orphanage run by a ghoul who was eating the other kids, and I'm not fucked up! You're fine-"   
"Are you blind? Or just stupid? I am five foot two of pure crazy. I know it, you know it, and so does anyone else who meets me. It's not a bad thing. That thing about the orphanage? That's fucked up, and any normal person couldn't walk away from that normal. Doesn't mean you're bad. Bad is what you do, not how you are." She pointed to herself first, then Amon.   
"I am fucked up and proud, and you should be too. It means you survived! How many other people could say that? Not that many. And you're right, I play up the crazy a little at work... At least then when the real insanity pops up, nobody is surprised."   
Amon was silent for a moment, absorbing her words, then he smiled, the largest, most genuine smile Juuzou had even seen on the man.   
"You know what, you're actually pretty smart." He told her, grinning. Juuzou laughed, nodding her head as she lifted her juice pouch in salute.   
"And don't you forget it!" 

A/N:   
Hey guys, sorry this took so long! I feel like I take forever to do anything these days! Alright, I just wanted a little Juuzou/Amon love towards the end, I just love the idea to two people to totally different being friends.   
Please drop me a review to let me know what you think, and any questions you may have!   
Laters   
KD xxx

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everybody!!! This is my first fic on this website and my first Tokyo Ghoul anywhere... I really hope you like it, and please comment, let me known what you think! Thanks!  
> KillerDuckie


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